Season 4 - Inventions
by dreamandlive
Summary: Following the stop of the series, I wanted to continue to live the characters of the Holden family. That's why, I decided then that I began to review the series of the beginning to invent scenes that I think are missing episodes, or continue some that I think were too short. Here are my inventions for the season 4 episodes. I also write transition between season 4 and season 5.
1. Season 4 - Episode 1

Following the dinner organized by Claudia Joy, the latter had received some nasty things from Lenore Baker. The latter having always been married to starred generals, could not stand Claudia Joy who in addition to having a husband appreciated in the army, led his family also while being an example to everyone. As the evening was over, Claudia and Michael were about to go to bed. Michael was coming out of the bathroom and he saw Claudia in his thoughts.

M: Honey, this evening was successful. You did a great job as usual.  
C: Thank you.  
M: Something wrong?  
C: No do not worry I'm just tired, and then Denise was not good today. It reminds me of bad times.  
M: Hey, Claudia ...

The latter turned her head to Michael. His eyes were wet.

C: They had planned to go on vacation, unfortunately with what happens to Jeremy it is no longer possible. Only they did not expect Jeremy to go so badly. Only I thought his child was still there, even though he was in the hospital and suffered a mission shock.  
M: Claudia, honey ...

Michael sat on the bed and put a hand on his, caressing him.

C: We are always worried about our children for things that are sometimes serious but finally we realize too late that it was not worth it. Denise forever Jeremy. Amanda has been kidnapped and I will give her everything to be with us again.

Claudia let the tears flow down her cheeks. Michel approached her with tears in her eyes and took her in his arms against him. He did not know what to say to help her and restore her confidence.

M: Nobody can know what we feel in our case. It is indescribable. Amanda misses me terribly too, and when I see reports of mission-casualties who are her age, I think of her every time again. I know there are more difficult periods honey, but do not leave all that inside ... I'm here, okay?  
C: I know ... but I miss her so much.

Michael tightened his embrace. He kissed Claudia in the neck.

M: You were still there for Denise and despite all you were a wonderful host tonight.

Michael kissed Claudia on the cheek and remained facing her. Claudia only gave him a weak smile. Michael put a hand on his cheek and caressed him. Claudia found her gaze betraying another fear.

M: Honey, I can see there is something else.

Michael understood with a simple look of Claudia.

M: Ok Lenore Baker ...  
C: Michael honestly tell me ... do I do too much?  
M: For me you always do too much, you are on all fronts, you manage everything at the same time, while remaining nice to everyone and right. But you know that's what makes me proud of you. I am so proud of you.  
C: Thank you.  
M: I see Lenore sowing doubt in you again.  
C: I just pause the question of whether I do not use your image to always want to be everywhere at once. On the contrary, it would not give me the image of someone who seeks to know everything about everything to be above everyone else ...  
M: Ok, Claudia sa is Lenore Baker's behavior, surely not yours. You help people because for you it is essential to feel good here. The last time she managed to unearth an event from your past and almost ruined our reputation. You know what she's capable of so do not let her interfere in what you do best.  
C: You're right. I'm sorry but what she told me destabilized me.  
M: I know what she said to you, I have ears you know even more when an evening takes place at home I did not take long to hear it too. But do not forget where you went to get where you are, and believe me you would not put yourself at the head of the support group if you did not do everything you do. Especially since you support me a lot, at every moment, you represent wonderfully the role of a military woman, hence your Spencer Award nomination. You are simply wonderful. The rest is just jealousy and you know it.

Claudia was moved by hearing Michael's words.

C: I love you.  
M: Me too.

They kissed tenderly for several seconds before deciding to sleep. Claudia curled up against Michael and felt calm, safe.

C: I do not know what I'll do without you.  
M: Do not think about it, I'm here and I'll always be here.

Michael kissed him on the forehead. He felt Claudia breathe more quietly, she fell asleep. He turned off the light.

M: Good night honey.  
C: Good night, Claudia answered as she had already closed her eyes.


	2. Season 4 - Episode 7

This news has affected the friend group. Roxy had just lost her baby and it was difficult to be happy in this case. Claudia was waiting for Michael that night. The latter came back quite late because he had a meeting. Claudia was watching TV when she heard him go home. She turned it off quickly and went to the entrance.

C: Michael ...  
M: Hey you're not lying yet?  
C: No, I was waiting for you.

They kissed tenderly.

M: Are you all right?  
C: Yes ... I am a little saddened.  
M: Why? What is going on ?  
C: Roxy lost the baby she was waiting for ...  
M: Oh no, how is she?  
C: She's devastated Michael, just like Trevor.  
M: I remember when I heard that you were waiting for Amanda. I was doubly worried. Even worse when I had to leave. I can not imagine how I will have reacted in their place.  
C: We can not imagine but apparently it was some time that they talked about it. They had already thought of the future.  
M: I understand. We had done the same and we had not imagined that you would be alone for several months and to welcome Amanda.  
C: Yes ... it's so far away. But I felt some distress. And precisely, the distress of Roxy completely messed me up. What to do ?  
M: Being there to support her and help her overcome, what are you doing already I think no?  
C: Hum hum ...  
M: So do not be anxious, she'll be better.

Claudia nodded. Michael took her against him and kissed her hair. After a tender hug, they made their way to the kitchen where Claudia had prepared dinner.


	3. Season 4 - Episode 11

Michael is affected by Joan's reaction to his illness. Despite the satisfaction of having arrived on the 100th day without a soldier's death, Michael admits it was a difficult decision. Claudia found him shut up on himself. She watched him and it hurt him. She had never seen him like that. She saw him go to sit at the table and eat silently.  
She circled the table and wrapped her arms around her back.

C: Michael, you have to get past it ...  
M: I know but we know that Joan is also a friend.  
C: You always did the best for your Michael soldiers. And you always made the best decision every time. This one will be too ...

Michael took Claudia's hands.

M: You're right, she can enjoy her daughter and her family.  
C: Yes, and do not forget that what she is suffering from is serious and that it could have gotten worse. Thanks to your decision, she goes into healing and can take care of her.

Michael turned around, got up and took Claudia in his arms. It made him feel good to have him against him.

M: Thank you.

Claudia smiled at him, kissed him and parted from him.

C: I'm going to get ready, I'll be late. And you too, if you hang around too much in front of your pancakes.

It snatched a laugh from Michael. He was always amazed at how his wife managed to find the gestures and words that allowed him to get back on track. He was filled with tenderness towards her as always. However, he did not hang around so he would not be late for the office.


	4. Season 4 - Episode 12

Michael had just learned that he would be part of the deployment of the division. He was destabilized by this announcement. Yet as a soldier, he knew that this was a possibility and it was his job, deployment was part of it. But that was different. It had not been for 5 years now. A lot of things had changed. He knew it, Emmalin would go to university in the fall and Claudia would be alone. Now it had to be announced to Claudia. On his way home, Michael was very anxious. Especially since the deployment was for in a few days. When he came back, Claudia got up from her desk and started talking to him as he entered the living room, looking serious.

C: Ah Michael, you'll never guess, I ...

When she saw him she realized that something was wrong. It was Michael who spoke.

(See the scene for the rest).

Once the news fell, Michael had taken Claudia in his arms. She was upset. She closed her eyes and hid a sob. Michael knew it by heart and felt that it was wrong.

M: Claudia, it'll be fine.  
C: It's been a long time Michael ...  
M: I know but that was a possibility. We had forgotten it but we knew it.  
C: Hmm ... when are you leaving?  
M: In a week ...

Claudia sighed, they parted.

C: For how long?  
M: One year planned for the moment, but you know the army ...

Claudia looked away. Michael made him turn his face with his hand on his chin.

M: Claudia, I know that it's done to prepare for a departure, but we will do its best and I promise you that everything will be fine. You have always trusted me, so keep going and everything will be fine.  
C: I know but I can not help being worried.

Michael took her in his arms. He kissed her on the temple.

M: I love you honey. Never forget it.  
C: I love you too.

After a long hug, they broke off and went to dinner together. Emmalin was finishing her homework, she did not know. For tonight they decided not to tell him anything, they would do it tomorrow night while it was expected that they dine all three. When finished, they went to bed. Emmalin was already sleeping. Claudia took a shower and gave way to Michael. She was circling around the room, her thoughts turned to what the news had leaked on television. She had not asked Michael the reason for the deployment, but she had understood it because of what the journalists were saying. She knew it, Michael would have an important place there and a lot of things would rest on his shoulders. How to be quiet while knowing that he would be the one from which all decisions would come and therefore, that they would accompany all actions to be near his men? Claudia knew it, Michael had gained ranks and had been promoted since the last time he was deployed. As a result, more responsibility meant more risk. Michael was talking to her, it made her come out of her daydream ...

M: ... hey Claudia did you hear?  
What is it ?  
M: Honey, what's going on?  
C: Hum, nothing, she lied, I was thinking of all that there would be to do this week.  
M: Okay ...

Michael watched Claudia, he suspected that something was wrong but he put his name on the announcement of the deployment. He was far from imagining what was happening in Claudia's mind.

M: Let's go to sleep it's getting late and we need to put our thoughts back into order.

Claudia did not move and was back in her thoughts. Michael stepped towards her and put her hands on Claudia's arms.

M: Hey sweatheart ...

Claudia turned her eyes and dived into her husband's. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Michael closed his arms on her.

C: Serve me hard.

Michael tightened his grip for a long moment. They then decided to go to sleep. They fell asleep in each other's arms. Both apprehending the days, weeks, months ahead knowing what the future would be. Michael had confidence in his training and even though the separation would be difficult, he knew he would come back. He had less time to prepare for the start but as every time, everything would be set up for this to happen at best. His anguish was diminished as he held Claudia against him. He fell asleep to appease. It was very different for Claudia. Her stress increased as she thought she was spending one of her last nights with Michael before her deployment, which would be relatively long. A lot of questions came to his mind, fears too. The next evening they announced the news to Emmalin. The latter was saddened by the news but she took it pretty well since she understood the reasons and that this job was that of her father and that anyway it was necessary to accept these deployments. They talked very late to reassure all three of them. It was time to go to sleep. The next morning Claudia felt lost. She did not quite know why but Michael was leaving in 5 days now and she put her on the starting account. However, the next night she did like a dream, where she saw Michael locked up. It did not last long, but on waking she remembered it very clearly. She was in her thoughts when Michael woke up. He saw that Claudia was not in the best of shape, but when he asked her, Claudia explained that she was quite tired at the moment, because of the preparation for the departure and the banquet she was preparing with Denise for lunch. Claudia did not know if she should talk to him about her dreams or not, but she did not want to worry about that.  
But the fact is that it continued the following nights. She still saw Michael locked up, shooting noises, she saw him hurt, with blood all over his face and then woke an anguish teasing his stomach. She did not know where to turn to talk about it and soothed it. Everyone had the same fears with the deployment so she did not want to bother anyone. But the day before the departure his anguish was too strong and the whole intensified.


	5. Season 4 - Episode 13

After her discomfort, Claudia had been ridden to her room by Michael. He had immediately phoned Denise to come and make sure everything was fine. Claudia was sorry to have brought her friend when it was the last night before the deployment of the soldiers. But Michael wanted to make sure she was safe. Denise was going back and went down again. Michael intercepted him as he came out of the kitchen, where he had just put the dishes with Emmalin before she left.

D: Do not worry her will go. She is very tired and she accuses the blow.  
M: I hope there will be no side effects tomorrow or in the week ahead.  
D: No risk, it was only a hypoglycemia crisis. She did not eat today almost, she told me.  
M: Thank you for coming in anyway. I'm sorry if I ruined your evening to you three.  
D: We had finished dinner, Jeremy went back to the barracks and Franck finished the trunk for the baby. I preferred to come because I know Claudia, it hid something else.  
M: That is to say? Michael asked him worried.  
D: She must have told you, she's worried.  
M: I know yes. She has been worried for several days, but every time she tells me that everything is fine. I felt him irritable and on the alert.  
D: This is your first deployment since Amanda left. This puts everything in question at this time. It will be necessary to adapt both of you again.  
M: You're absolutely right. Emmalin told me that she would look after her mother from a distance.

Denise preferred not to mention Claudia's nightmares. The latter having hidden them from Michael so that he does not worry, Denise thought that it would worsen the situation for both of them. She preferred to keep quiet.

D: You'll be reassured and she too.  
M: Yes. Go, I'll let you go. Enjoy the rest of the evening. We'll see you tomorrow anyway.  
D: Good night to you. By cons Michael, takes the time to talk a little with her tonight, story that tomorrow the start is done as best as possible.  
M: Okay, count on me.

Denise left, winking at Michael. The latter went upstairs and saw Claudia leave the room and go to Emmalin's room to go and wish him a good night. He took the opportunity to go take a shower. Wanting to get out of the bathroom, he saw Claudia sitting in front of her dressing table. He could not help but stop at the door and admire it. He found it so beautiful, without any artifice or makeup. He had an unconditional love for her. How would it succeed in filling the gap during the deployment? But that was another question, Claudia noticed that he was looking through the mirror.

(See the scene of the episode for later).

They had remained for a few moments against the front, eyes closed, trying to enjoy every second of each other. However, fatigue was felt.

M: We should go to sleep. Otherwise our fatigue could play on our sensitivity tomorrow.  
C: Okay ...

Michael kissed Claudia on the cheek before she got up and they both went to bed. In order to fall asleep quite easily, Michael used to read a few pages of one of his favorite books. But that night he preferred to listen to Denise's advice.

M: Honey, I wanted you to know that it's you who will help me to understand the deployment and to hold once there.

Claudia turned around, her eyes wet. Michael knew that his sensitivity was increased in his last days. She gave him a weak smile, filled with love and tenderness towards him too. She sat next to him and stared into hers.

C: I'm going to miss you so much Michael.

This is the first time Michael felt this, but he had a lump in his chest, a ball of emotion, a few tears appeared in his eyes.

M: You too, if you knew.

They hugged each other and hugged each other for a long time. They then detached themselves and embraced with infinite tenderness. The clock was ticking and they had to sleep a minimum. Michael lay down and caught Claudia in his arms, who rested his head against his chest.

M: You promise me to pay attention?  
C: It's promised Michael.  
M: I'll think of you every second from the moment I leave you ...  
C: Not while you're on a mission Michael ...  
M: You know what I meant by that. I'll call you as soon as possible even if it's only for a minute. And we Skype more often.  
C: Of course.  
M: And you know that if there is a problem on the basis of a soldier or a soldier's wife I can try to solve the problem even on the other side of the world. I remain the General of the base.  
C: I know.

Claudia felt soothed and safe. She felt that everything would be fine.

C: All will be well Michael, I promise you.  
M: Okay ...  
C: And you promise me to come back alive at home ...  
M: I give you my word, Michael told him even though he knew that nothing was safe on that point from the moment he went on deployment.

Claudia got up slightly and looked into Michael's eyes.

C: I love you, Michael James Holden.  
M: Me too, more than anything.

They kissed tenderly and wished each other a good night. They fell asleep in each other's arms. For the first time in almost a week, Claudia did not have nightmares. She thought she had a good sign. When they woke up, they had little time to enjoy each other. Indeed Michael had to go to his office to sort out the last details, and he had to make sure that all the men were ready to leave and would have been there on the morning call. He just kissed Claudia with infinite love by crossing her in the kitchen and before leaving. He gave him an appointment on the tarmac at the end of the morning. For their part, Emmalin and Claudia joined Denise at the place of departure to organize the various feeding points before the arrival of everyone. Everything was in order when Michael and Franck came back with the soldiers from the base. Michael relieved himself of all obligations, everything being in order, so that he could spend the rest of his time with Claudia and Emmalin. Claudia was about to go to the car with Michael and Emmalin, the latter having always wanted to say goodbye to the shelter of everyone. But Michael made him understand that it will not be worth it. Claudia looked at him, surprised ...

M: Everything has changed Claudia. There is one person missing today who was part of his goodbye before.

Claudia knew he was talking about Amanda. Tears came to his eyes.

M: She is and will be forever in our hearts.

Despite the world at the place of departure, Michael was able to speak intimately to his wife and daughter, having slightly moved aside despite everything, and to enjoy their presence until the last moment.

(See the scene of the departure for the continuation)

The hour of departure approached. The soldiers were gathered for the speech of departure. They then had 10 minutes, not one more to say goodbye to their family. Michael gave the latest instructions to garrison commanders which will reduce his time with Emmalin and Claudia. But he took the time to say goodbye to them properly. He first took his daughter in his arms for long minutes.

M: You warn me as soon as you could go on the ice big okay?  
E: It's promised daddy.  
M: I'm so proud of you honey.  
E: Thanks dad, but without you I would never be about to be able to skate again.

Michael pressed against him as the only answer.

M: I love you Emmalin.  
E: Me too dad.

They pulled away and Michael kissed him on the cheek before admiring him one last time and engraving the image of the beautiful face of his daughter in his mind. He turned to Claudia and took her in his arms as well. They did not talk to each other, but just enjoyed the moment. During his last deployments he had always said goodbye to Claudia and her daughters in the car in front of the tarmac, never in front of her men. But the departure of Amanda before changing the situation and Michael needed to prove to Claudia and Emmalin that he loved them from the depths of his being and that goodbye wherever he was, remained important. He had also said that emotion, sensitivity, was not shameful to be shown by a General. On the contrary, for him, he had to set an example and show his soldiers that they had the right to be sad to leave, to cry, and to have a heavy heart for their departure. He preferred that they show it there rather than it comes out on mission and create catastrophic situations or at least dangerous for everyone. That's why he wanted to say goodbye to Claudia and Emmalin in a very normal way that day. Michael felt that the soldiers were leaving their families one by one and that they would line up to leave. He knew he was backing the inevitable. Then he broke away from Claudia and stared at her for a few seconds. He leaned over and whispered a "I love you more than anything in the world, never forget his love". He kissed her one last time before finally turning around and leaving for the plane that will take him to the den of his job as a soldier. In spite of everything, the slightest thing reminded him of Claudia, like seeing her alliance. The plane of the 23rd Division flew to Afghanistan for about a year. Each family left with a heavy heart. But everyone had this positive in mind, thinking that now that they were gone, the countdown of their return could begin. Claudia was destabilized by this departure and needed to rest for a few minutes on her way home. The next night, the first she spent alone after Michael's departure, she did not have nightmares. She thought then that it was really positive and that everything would be fine for her husband. She did not imagine for a single second what the future was for them.


	6. Season 4 - Episode 18

A few days after the deployment, Claudia felt this lack she knew, to invade. She knew that this deployment would be difficult to live. During his calls and emails, Michael always reassured her and always had a few words filled with tenderness for her. Claudia was reassured to see that he was well away and had adapted to his new way of life. But was very different. Indeed, the minute Michael had set foot on their camp in Afghanistan, he understood that the most complicated would be the lack. He had managed it fairly well in the various deployments he had been part of. This reminded him are first deployment. And he is surprised to feel exactly the same emotions, the same sadness, the same lack and the same fear. Every day he felt that ball in his chest. But he remained of marble and put his head down in the work. He was far from imagining that a catastrophe would worsen his feelings.

Claudia had just learned that Michael was missing. At the minute the car carrying Joan disappeared at the end of the street, Claudia could not hold back her tears. She began to cry in Denise's arms. They stayed a long time under the porch and Denise offered to go inside. After long minutes to discuss, Claudia blamed her neck. Indeed his nightmares have come true. She felt guilty for not being able to warn Michael before. Denise reassured her that anyway nothing would have changed since Michael is forced to leave. The news was brutal for Emmalin who did not believe it and who could hardly imagine that his father had been kidnapped by rebels.  
On his side Michael woke numb. He wondered where he was. He was struggling to remember what he had done before. Little by little he reconstructed the puzzle of the day. He saw himself in the helicopter, a sandstorm and then nothing. He thought he had been repatriated to base camp. His spirits came back and his eyes were clearer as the seconds passed. He heard noises that were not the usual ones of the camp. He realized then that his hands were tied, that he was locked in something that looked like a simple hut. He was on the floor. It did not take long for him to understand that he had been kidnapped. The first thing he did was to look everywhere to find a way out, to escape. While trying to get up, he was stunned. It made him sit down again. He felt tingling on his skin, he suspected that he must have some cuts, bruises.

(See the continuation of episode 18).

Michael was held captive for four days. During this time, the lack was even more present for him and Claudia. Everyone thought of each other wondering if they would see each other again one day. Several times we moved Michael on this camp he did not know. He was blindfolded. This so that it does not find itself, that it can not escape quickly if that were the case. Michael knew that Claudia had been warned of the events. He knew she must be in a state of fear that he could not accept. It's his fault. He absolutely had to get out of here, go back to the camp, warn her that everything was fine, that he had nothing and that she did not need to worry anymore. He found a way to cut off his ties. But not everything went according to plan, and his captors, who saw it as a perfect way to come to an end, did not like it at all and gave Michael a taste of what the traitors were going through in terms of torture. Michael knew, they would not kill him, his rank of general would surely save him.  
For her part, Claudia and Emmalin hoped to have good news every day. No matter what happened, they wanted to be sure he was alive.  
One evening, Emmalin heard her mother crying in her room. She blamed it. Claudia often helped Emmalin fall asleep and showed incredible strength in front of her daughter. But they spoke for long hours sometimes and Claudia did not hesitate to tell her daughter that this was very hard for her and that she had fear in her stomach every day. This day was a day too much for her. Emmalin slowly approached her parents' room. Claudia was in the bathroom, she was leaning against the sink and let out his fear, his sadness, his anguish, too long contained. She heard Emmalin arrive. She was sorry that her daughter saw her in this state but she was soon an adult and could probably understand.

E: Mom ...  
C: I'm sorry honey, I did not want you to see me like that.  
E: You have the right to cry mom, it's not normal what happens.  
C: I know ... but by marrying your father I knew it could happen someday ... I denied it for all those years, but reality caught up with us.

Emmalin and Claudia sat on the bed. The conversation continued between Claudia and her daughter. She told him about those nightmares ...

C: You know, when your father told me he was leaving, I started having nightmares at night, but they stopped so I thought everything would be okay and nothing would happen. But I realize that what I dreamed must have happened ...

Emmalin did not ask her mother any more questions, but she knew that the love between her parents was very strong and that the lack had to be the height of their love. Then the anguish felt by her mother at that moment must have been unbearable. She put her head on her mother's shoulder. Claudia put an arm on her daughter's back.

E: I'm afraid of what could happen. I start to imagine a lot of things but we do not know anything and maybe even at this time it is ...  
C: No honey, I will have felt it. But I have this anxiety that grows every day. I knew I could not stand anything to your father and I can not handle it.  
E: This wait is unbearable. Joan told you she would inform you, but why did not she come back?  
C: It's only two days Emmalin, it can be very long.

Claudia knew that soldiers could stay for weeks, even months, captive years of rebels. This idea was horrible to imagine. She did not mention that in front of her daughter.

E: I miss so much mom.  
C: I know my heart, to me too. But as I told you last night, are we going to agree? We'll get by, your father will get by! I have a lot of faith in him and he will not let himself down because we are in his thoughts every moment and that will help him move forward.  
E: Okay ...  
C: Go it's time to go to sleep now. It will not worry you.

Claudia kissed her daughter after a big hug and Emmalin returned to her room. That night Emmalin managed to sleep but Claudia did not sleep. She sent her thoughts to Michael, then to his daughter, she wanted the army at this moment but by dint of thinking, she finally fell asleep in the middle of the night. The next day would put an end to all this anxiety. Joan came to tell Claudia that Michael had been found. The Delta had once again accomplished a mission of honor by saving the general. Joan informed them that Michael should call them in the coming hours. Very quickly, Franck had telephoned Denise. The latter, who was at Claudia's, gave her the information that he had in her possession. Indeed, Michael and his fellow soldiers, were currently on their way to base camp. He did not know how he was going, but he knew he was alive, and only slightly hurt. Denise explained to Franck that Claudia and Emmalin were fine now and that they were waiting for news. Franck hastened to tell Michael when he was admitted to the hospital tent. Michael was relieved to know that his wife and daughter were fine. But he was eager to hear them. Nobody talked about it, but everyone noticed that the soldiers had been tortured. Michael had undoubtedly received many shots, and having been ejected in the helicopter crash he had a sprained knee and a dislocation. The orthopedic surgeon passed quickly and he told Michael that he would be repatriated to the country so that he would be closely followed and he would recover quickly. The doctor did not know how long his permission would last. It would depend on his ability to recover the mobility of his knee. Michael thought of Emmalin who had also had a knee problem. For her, he had to keep his head up and fight so he could return to the field for his men. But the idea of spending a few weeks with his wife and daughter was not displeasing to him. They missed him so much.  
Michael was treated for some facial wounds and was given a mask. He was then taken to his home on the base to rest. He could then call home.  
When the phone rang, Claudia panicked, and what if the news was not so good? But the urge to hear Michael was stronger than anything. She turned on the speaker so that Emmalin could participate in the conversation.

C: Michael ?!  
M: Claudia, honey ...  
C: Oh lord, I was so scared ...  
M: I know, and I'm so sorry for distressing you. But everything is over now.  
C: Are ... are you okay?  
M: Apart from a few bruises, everything is fine. You do not have to worry.  
C: Do you have a few days off?  
M: I'll be quiet tomorrow, he lied, and I could resume ...  
C: Please come back home soon ...  
E: Dad's paying attention to you okay?  
M: Hey my heart, do not worry, I'll do it. Enjoy your ceremony tomorrow, I'll be with you, even from afar.  
E: I miss you dad.  
M: You too miss me terribly. But the further we go in time, the closer the return is. And I'll be back sooner than you think.

Claudia and Emmalin did not know for a moment what Michael was referring to. And that was the goal, since it must have been a surprise.

C: I will take pictures and then a friend of Emmalin will film as we can share it with you.  
M: I do not ask for more. I'll have to hang up.  
C: Already?  
M: Yes, I just wanted to tell you that everything was fine and you did not have to worry anymore. I have to be accountable for what happened to determine what happened and it does not happen again.  
C: Okay. We call very quickly agree?  
M: It's promised.  
E: I love you daddy.  
M:I love you too honey.  
C: Take good care of yourself please.  
M: I promise you, you too take good care of yourself.  
C: I love you, honey.  
M: I love you with all my heart Claudia. Never forget it. See you soon.

Michael hung up against him. Claudia and Emmalin took each other in their arms and a few tears flowed from their eyes. They were so relieved. They were far from imagining the surprise that would await them the next day.

(See the graduation scene)

Denise had been taken by Roland with the girls to the hospital. Indeed, little Molly had decided to join the family of the army earlier than planned. Claudia was in the company of Michael and Emmalin, they were discussing this wonderful surprise that Michael had decided to make them. But by the circumstances, they could not show their feelings and had to contain themselves. They did not have time to do anything else since Claudia ran to her friend when she called him. While Denise was in the workroom, Emmalin took his father home so that he could change, so Joan came to fetch Michael to wait at the hospital with Roland. Once Denise and the baby were safe, everyone was able to enter the room and welcome little Molly. This day was very rich in emotions for everyone. An emotion that would remain for some.


	7. Transition from season 4 to 5

Transition Season 4 - Season 5

At the end of the afternoon, everyone returned home. Denise was able to stay calm in her room with her baby.  
When Michael and Claudia returned home, Emmalin came down the stairs.

E: So?  
C: Everything is fine, Molly is beautiful.  
E: And Denise?  
C: She's fine too. Great day today.  
E: Sa you can say it.

Emmalin came into his father's arms, taking Claudia in his other arm.

E: I was so happy that you're here today dad.  
M: Me too Emmalin.  
C: I think it's hard for me to tell you that you're here.  
E: We'll have to enjoy it.  
M: I love you so much.  
E: Oh daddy too.

A horn was heard outside.

C: Are we waiting for someone?  
E: Must be for me. We decided to go celebrate our graduation with the girls tonight. It does not bother you that I go out?  
M: But no, of course not, we'll see you tomorrow do not worry.  
C: Yes honey, go and enjoy and enjoy.  
E: Good evening to both of you.

Claudia and Michael kissed their daughter and watched her go. Claudia was left alone with Michael. She blamed the blow. For four days a constant anguish had forced her to face what she feared the most in the world, losing Michael. To see him near her was almost unexpected. She blew a big blow. Michael took his face in his hands.

M: Claudia, how are you?

The latter stared at him. Her husband was near her. In a few seconds she felt an immense relief, the fist in her bosom gone, and that fear that she also contained. Michael saw his wife's eyes fill with tears.

C: It's just that ... I've been through the most horrible four days of my life. I was so scared Michael.  
M: I'm here now, it's over.

Michael took her in his arms, he pressed her against him. Claudia started crying.

C: I thought I'll never see you again and you'll never come back.

Michael felt his eyes fill with tears too. He too thought he might not come back, that he might never see his wife, his daughter again. Claudia's words echoed her own feelings.

M: Hush, it's okay now. You will not lose me.

Claudia felt immense happiness knowing that Michael was holding her in his arms. She was with him, nothing and no one will be able to take it away now.

C: I love you so much Michael.  
M: I love you too sweatheart.

They squeezed one last time against each other. They kissed tenderly, then hands in their hands went to the kitchen to have dinner. They did not speak again of the few days that had passed. Claudia was on edge, Michael had understood. He understood then that the anxiety he had himself felt, this fear, she had been the same here, but increased tenfold. But he did not imagine for a second what Claudia had already experienced before leaving with her nightmares. So he could not know that this fear was magnified because of that. Indeed, Claudia was reconciling the situation of Michael with that seen in his nightmares. She had believed until the end that the end would be the same and that Michael would not return living mission. The chaplain she had consulted before Michael's departure was right, she could not control Michael's safety, she could not protect him while on a mission. The disappearance of Amanda had increased all that in Claudia. But she never talked to Michael about it so he would not worry about it and not bother him with it. She thought all of this would be behind her, was different.

The same evening they went to bed early enough. All these emotions had exhausted them. Michael was also very tired of his trip. But despite everything they needed to talk both and some things had to be said that night. When Claudia went to bed, Michael immediately took her in his arms.

M: Its going to go?  
C: Now that you're here, yes.

Michael tightened his embrace.

M: I'm so sorry for bringing all this to you.  
C: I do not blame you Michael, everything that has happened has been irrespective of your will.

In simple answer, Michael kissed him on the hair.

C: When Joan arrived home I immediately understood that there was a problem. When she left, I saw my life scroll before my eyes, everything collapsed in a few seconds. And my heart broke completely.

Michael could not find the words to answer him. He simply hugged her. Claudia did not want to say too much for fear of having to tell her about nightmares.

C: I ... (Claudia took a deep breath, the emotion was still too strong) ... Do not know where you were, or how were you going, be afraid to see the official car land in the hours, days to come ...

The emotion caught Claudia and the tears rolled down her cheeks.

C: ... was horrible Michael.  
M: Honey, I ... (Michael's voice was shaking) ... I had the fear of my life there. I saw you every time I closed my eyes, and I thought that never again could I squeeze you against me.

Michael paused, Claudia looked up at him. She saw that he too was crying. She stroked his cheek, wiping his tears.

M: I could not take any more of this lack, of this love that I have for you but that I could not show you, to prove you. Being completely cut off from you, it was the most difficult to overcome this time.

Claudia had a weak smile. They lacked words to express all the love they had felt for each other during these difficult days. Due to the situation all their feelings had been amplified. Michael caught his breath and put his lips on Claudia's. Their hearts were pounding. They kissed with tenderness and infinite love for several minutes. Then Michael stood out and admired the glance of Claudia who was shining in the light of their bedside lamp.

M: I love you so much my heart.  
C: I love you too.

Michael caught Claudia against him. But one last question burned Claudia's lips.

C: Honey, what happened there?

She felt Michael blow a good neck. But out of respect for her and because they had never had a lie or a secret for each other, he explained it in broad outline without going into details.

M: The helicopter was caught in a sandstorm, we had to land in emergency but the pilot did not establish the right distance with the ground and we crashed on the side. I was on the safe side and from the findings, because I do not remember, I was ejected, which saved me since the helicopter caught fire and exploded.

Claudia shuddered at his words. She imagined the scene, it was hard for her to imagine Michael hurt, unconscious, without being able to help him and watch over him. Michael felt it and stroked his back.

M: When I woke up I had a hard time remembering what had happened and hanging on to reality. But I was in a very small place, I heard sounds of fire, bombs in the distance. I realized that I was far from the base camp infirmary.  
C: Michael, tell me the truth, are you ...  
M: You know for yourself that when you are held hostage nothing is ever simple. I'm not going to hide it from you, it was not a pleasure and those people I had in front of me have no humanity. But I was saved by my rank of General. They had a way of putting pressure on the US military with me so I knew quickly that they would keep me alive no matter what.

Claudia tightened her grip on Michael. She could not do anything for him, to help him, to reassure him and as the chaplain had explained, it would take a while to get rid of that guilt. Michael did not know it, and he was far from imagining what Claudia might have had in mind. Sensing Claudia hugging him, Michael decided to end the conversation. Indeed, it was difficult for both of them, they were on edge and he preferred to let the time to heal these wounds that had been opened.

M: Claudia honey, I'm here, I'm home now. I'm going to stay there for a while and you can release that pressure that you put on.  
C: I know but, it will take me some time.  
M: That's normal, me too. But we're together now, I'm here, alive and well. And there is nothing more important for me right now.

Michael kissed Claudia on the hair. She had closed her eyes and was falling asleep. Michael had noticed. He just wished him a good night and told him he loved her. They fell asleep entwined, having the good fortune to sleep next to each other. Michael was awake at dawn, but he let Claudia sleep, she needed it. He took a few steps outside. He could not go very far with his leg but be outside, in the calm of the base, each dwelling waking up as he went, he could once again enjoy the tranquility that reigned here. He then returned and saw Emmalin having breakfast.

M: Hey little girl!  
E: Dad! It's okay ?  
M: Yes, I went for a walk outside this morning to stretch my legs a little.  
E: Is your knee going?  
M: I have an appointment this morning at the hospital for a complete assessment and see what will follow. For the moment the pain is bearable. But on the ground we did not want to touch it because we do not know exactly how it is inside.  
E: They want to be sure to make the right decision.  
M: Hum exactly. Did your party last night yesterday?  
E: It was great. But the subject quickly drifted on your surprise return.  
M: You know, I did not know that I was going to arrive in full graduation. There I was told that I was being repatriated here, but it is true that I had forgotten what day we were.

Michael poured himself a coffee and sat down in front of his daughter.

E: It's great that you're here dad. It was so hard at home.  
M: I confess that for the moment I have a hard time sorting things out.  
E: I heard you talking last night with mom, and ... crying too.  
M: I'm sorry Emmalin, we should not tell you about our moods.  
E: Dad, for several days we talked a lot with mom, you know. And with all that we have already lived I have understood for a long time that what binds you is really strong. Even more these days when Mom told me about you and how she felt.  
M: Really?  
E: I think it helped him. But I think I would always be appreciative of that love you have for each other. I had never felt it before but I can not even qualify it.

Michael was uncomfortable hearing these words from his daughter. She had grown up too fast and had quickly understood things. Emmalin could see that his father was lost for the moment. After moving from a base camp in Afghanistan to his home in a military base in South Carolina, he had to adapt quickly.

M: You have understood things Emmalin well. I have always told your mother that I have never been able to understand how to love each other so much.  
E: Sa is not said, it feels, its lives. And you know I surprised mom crying the other night. She blamed it. She is strong, in front of everyone, but at one point she cracked.

Michael sighed. These words broke his heart. Even if these events were not his fault, he still felt guilty.

M: I cracked me too. Already when one is on mission it is difficult. I know I've always felt like I handled things correctly, that lack and distance did not matter, but in fact I always felt guilty leaving you here alone with your mother, Amanda and you. You never really get to go away from your family for a long time. But this time I really understood what you could feel here while I was away.  
E: It's life in the army and we've always been used to it since the beginning. But you must not make you feel guilty, Dad. It's your job, the orders are the orders and we've always made our life with it.  
M: I'm so lucky to have you if you knew.

Emmalin smiled back. For her part, Claudia was just waking up. She turned to Michael but found that the place was fast. In a few seconds she did not know what day she was. Did Michael really come home? Where was it just a dream? She was lost and got up quickly, put on her dressing gown and felt her heart pounding. She came down the stairs to the kitchen, walking, thinking, and she thought that if all that was just a dream, it meant that Michael was still a prisoner, that she did not know where he was and that his anguish was present. But as she got closer, she heard Michael talking with Emmalin. Everything was real, Michael was well and truly at home. Arriving at the kitchen door, Emmalin was leaving. Claudia did not have time to speak.

E: Hello mom. I'll tell you later I have to go.

Emmalin kissed her mother and left. Claudia turned her face and met Michael's gaze.

C: Michael!  
M: Hello sweatheart. Did you sleep well ?  
C: Hum hum ...

Claudia took Michael's head in his hands and placed his lips on hers. She kissed him with tenderness for several seconds. Then he pulled away to look him in the eyes.

C: I was scared when I woke up not to see you.  
M: I'm sorry I needed to go out a bit.  
C: Do not worry, it's just that ... I thought I dreamed and you were not there.  
M: I'm here Claudia, do not worry.

They smiled at each other and kissed again.

C: I love you.  
M: Me too.

Claudia then prepared breakfast for both of them. Michael watched in silence and thought back to Emmalin's words. He saw his wife crying, the anguish holding her, not to see him again. He had tears in his eyes. Claudia noticed it.

C: Honey, how are you?  
M: Yes, it's just that I have a hard time telling myself that we are both there.  
C: We need to get used to life together, and to three with Emmalin.

Michael avoided talking about what Emmalin said. Claudia wondered about the day and the days to come.

C: When do you have an appointment at the hospital?  
M: This morning. This afternoon I have an appointment with the psychologist at the base.  
C: Do you want me to go with you?  
M: No, do not worry, I'll go alone. It will help me more surely to find my bearings.  
C: Okay.

They had breakfast together and Michael got ready for his appointment. Claudia accompanied her to the hospital because she was going to visit Denise. Claudia banged and entered.

C: Hello.  
D: Claudia!  
C: So how's the young mother?  
D: Young ... you speak. I am exhausted. Molly did not sleep.  
C: You have to take your rhythm.  
D: Hum yes. And you then with Michael, I imagine that the night was ...  
C: Hum not at all. We had a difficult night emotionally.  
D: All right, I hope?  
C: Yes, but Michael has to readjust, and I too have the impression that he was going to escape me, that they were going to take it away from me.  
D: Oh ... but it's a bit normal also with what you've been through in four days.  
C: I ... when Emmalin came out, I collapsed. You know this anxiety, this fear that I had, everything came out of a sudden. I can not believe he's here with me.  
D: As you said earlier, you will have to take the time. Did you tell Michael about your nightmares?  
C: Hum no. And I will not do it I do not want to stir the knife in the wound.

Molly started crying. Denise took her in his arms to feed her. Claudia was in her thoughts.

D: I think you should talk about it, it will probably solve a lot of problems. Claudia ... Claudia?  
C: Hum?  
D: You should talk to him about it. You feel guilty after that and Michael must feel guilty too. In my opinion it will unlock something and you will be better later.  
C: I do not think, he'll worry, we'll start crying again ...  
D: Maybe because you need it.

Claudia shrugged. They continued the conversation around Molly, Franck and Jeremy. For his part Michael was at his appointment with the hospital orthopedist. The latter confirmed the dislocation with sprained knee. The ligaments had been moved and stretched. The knee was therefore more maintained. The dislocation has been reduced thanks to the manipulation of the specialist, however the sprain will be treated only by rest. The doctor changed him are atele which was more suitable. He also signed a stoppage of work with an indefinite duration for the moment. He explained to Michael that his injury was important and all the more so for a soldier with his rank. He was positive about the complete delivery of his knee but in the long run. Michael blamed his neck a little but he thought he could spend time with Claudia and enjoy her. They met up with Claudia for lunch at lunchtime and he explained all this to her.

C: Undetermined? That is to say ?  
M: Normally we put 30-day stops in 30 days. One month a month if you prefer, that means it will necessarily be longer.  
C: We'll be able to spend time together then. It's been so long since you had not taken a vacation.  
M: Yes, we will enjoy a maximum.

They took each other in their arms and left hand in hand. In the afternoon, Michael went to his appointment with the military psychologist at the base.

P: General, go and install there please.  
M: Thank you doctor.  
P: I recently received your file regarding your repatriation from Afghanistan for quite complicated reasons. Would you like to talk to me about it?  
M: We both know that everything is marked in the folder.  
P: Yes that's right, but this appointment should allow me to evaluate a few things.  
M: I know ...  
P: Then I listen to you.  
M: My team and I had a helicopter crash. Some of them died instantly.  
P: How did you experience it?  
M: I must admit that I do not worry about it for now ...

Michael reacts that he had completely forgotten that colleagues, friends, had died in this accident. That women had become widows, that children no longer had their father. He blamed it. The psychologist saw that this might have repercussions. He tried to find out more about what to do next.

P: That's normal, your mind was contained by something else.

Michael nodded.

P: Can you tell me what happened next?  
M: I was hostage in a rebel camp. I ... the only thing I thought was my wife Claudia, and my daughter Emmalin.

The psychologist noted on his sheet. Michael was staring into space.

P: General ... General?  
M: Yes, sorry, excuse me.  
P: One last thing, how was the return?  
M: Hardly. I feel guilty for being home, but I also have a lot of guilt for making my wife live. I have to take care of her and be there for her now.  
P: I see it at a lot of military.

The psychologist wrote on his sheet without stopping. Michael was waiting.  
P: I think General, that there are several points to solve. First of all you have failed to mourn your fellow soldiers, I have doubts about the consequences. Then you feel guilty for a lot of things and you have the doubt between the disappointment of not being on the ground and the happiness of being with your wife and daughter. Many conflicting feelings. For me there are still areas of darkness to clear.  
M: I totally understand. I have trouble bringing things to light.  
P: And that's normal. How long have you stopped for your knee?  
M: For the moment it is indefinite.  
P: In this case, I propose that we see each other once a week for the moment.  
M: It is necessary?  
P: I know that as a General the gaze of others is hard to bear especially coming to a behavior specialist, but if you want to go back into your boots the next time, I think so.  
M: All right, thank you doctor.

Michael got up and shook the psychologist's hand.

P: One last thing, we speak on the base and I knew that you were really very close to your wife ...  
M: That's right ...  
P: And that you have a lot of benefits in the dialogue both ...  
M: Yes our life is based on it and our daily life too.  
P: So in this case, talk a lot with her, you must also map both of your feelings, your feelings, your desires, your needs. And I think that will help you a lot in therapy.

Michael thanked the doctor and went back home. He explained to Claudia that he should go there once a week. Claudia suspected that what he had experienced on the ground was behind this. But she ignored that it was not the only reason. This day ended quietly for everyone. Everyone fell asleep peacefully. But that night, Claudia ran into the horror of her nightmares, which came back for no reason. She awoke with a start, breathless. Michael was at his side but had not been awake. She looked at him for a long moment. Then she went back to sleep. The next day, she took her life as if nothing had happened, she did not talk to anyone or even to Denise or another group. Just the next night was going to change everything. Indeed, her nightmare came back but this time she woke up in the middle of a panting night, screaming.

C: Michael!

She opened her eyes and saw herself in her room. She was crying and had trouble catching her breath. Michael had been woken up hearing Claudia scream his name. He was more than anxious to see her in this state. He sat down and slowly stroked his arm. The latter jumped.

M: Claudia honey, I'm here.

She leaned against him, struggling to catch her breath, tears in her eyes. Michael closed his arms around her. He whispered in his ear to calm her.

M: Claudia, do not worry, I'm here.

He waited a few minutes for her to catch her breath. He always spoke whispering.

M: Honey, what's going on? You scared me ... tell me.

Claudia sighed and clung to him as if her life depended on it. Michael understood that it would be impossible to discuss at this hour of the night. He kept Claudia against him, and lay down. He was far from imagining what was happening. The next morning Claudia had been up for a long time. Like every Monday she had meeting at the FRG at 10:30. She turned a machine, put away everything, vacuumed ... she was busy when Michael got up. He got ready and found Claudia in the kitchen, which was storing the dishwasher.

M: Hello.  
C: Michael ... well slept?

She kissed him before returning to his occupation. Michael knew she did not want to talk about the night's misadventure. Standing up to go to his office, Claudia passed in front of him, he caught it in the process, turned it over and put his lips on his. He ran a hand through his hair and kissed him with all the love he could put in it. After a few moments they detached themselves. Claudia replied with a smile that made him melt on the spot.

M: I love you!  
C: Oh me too!  
M: So can you tell me what happened last night?

He saw Claudia's eyes change completely.

C: Honey, it's nothing, it's coming from ...  
M: From?  
C: Have you ever had nightmares?  
M: Yes, but ...  
C: So it's just his Michael okay?

She kissed him, took his bag and left.

C: I have the FRG meeting this morning, I have to go prepare the agenda.

Michael heard the door close.

M: Yes, but I do not scream your name when I dream! Michael thinks to himself.

He went to his appointment at the physiotherapist where he had appointments twice a week to help his knee. He was given exercises to be able to do at home, but in no case he had to do more, at the risk of damaging his articulation even more. During the treatment, he thought back to his discussion with the psychologist. He felt a certain shame for not having the respect to pay homage to his men who died in battle. In a way he even thought that what he had suffered he had deserved. He removed that thought from his mind, but he knew he still had a long way to go. He lunched alone that afternoon, Claudia did not return until the afternoon.

C: Did your appointment go well?  
M: Yes, and tomorrow morning I have an appointment with the doctor, I will know how much time exactly I stopped to recover.  
C: Will she go?  
M: Yes do not worry, you know I'm happy to be here.

Claudia smiled back. But a touch of sadness and fear remained in Claudia's eyes. Michael promised to try to pierce the abscess before sleeping. He simply did not imagine that he was the one who needed to talk to and come to terms with himself about one of the sensitive topics that the psychologist had raised. In the evening Claudia read in their bed while Michael joined her a few moments later. The latter was in his thoughts. Then he spoke.

M: Claudia, I'd like ... I need to discuss some things with you.

Claudia suspected that it had something to do with what happened last night. But still she felt that Michael was not good and she wanted to help him. She put down her book.

C: Of course honey, what's going on?  
M: The psychologist told me that with all that he had already heard, they knew that we were very close, very complicit and that communication was an important element for us.  
C: How does he know all this?  
M: I think soldiers told him about us, being a model for them, for their couple ...  
C: Well, what about even those who are admired by others, there may be problems.

They smiled at each other.

M: He told me that we should both talk.  
C: How so?  
M: Claudia, we know very well that it was very difficult for both of us. It has been said often enough, that fear and anxiety have been complicated to manage, that the lack was surely amplified. But according to him it is deeper and there is something that caused all this, unconsciously, unintentionally, knowing it, in our voice while we were talking on the phone, on Skype, our behavior too ... to be worried for the other but do not dare to say it, tell him about it for example ...  
C: So why do not you talk to me honey?

Michael looked at Claudia questioningly.

C: You know that during your mission returns I always gave you a lot of time to get back to you and get used to our life again. I know you will never tell me what exactly you are going on there and that it will have to stay in your mind for all your life without ever getting out of it. But by the time I saw you at Emmalin's graduation, I noticed that something was wrong with what you had lived there. Something that has something to do with me and then with you.

Michael gaped. How did his wife always manage to guess everything, to understand everything? Michael sighed.

M: I'm ashamed ...  
What is it ? But shame of what?  
M: I am ashamed, I feel guilty ...  
C: Michael whatever you think, you have to exteriorize everything and take away that shame, that guilt.  
M: I know ...

A white man began to talk. Michael's eyes were blank. Claudia stroked her forearm. Then he spoke.

M: A good commander always puts his men before himself ...

He looked up and met Claudia's eyes.

M: But that's not what I did.  
C: How so?  
M: I thought only of myself, of my need to see you again, to find you, find Emmalin. My need to get out of it and that's all.  
C: Michael in this situation you can not blame yourself for thinking about what helped you out.  
M: Claudia, soldiers on dead ... I did not even have the respect to have a thought for them and their family, a prayer, I am ashamed to have abandoned them ...  
C: They were not Michael ... I went to see every woman who lost her husband in this helicopter crash.

Michael did not understand.

M: What?  
C: I have been to see each of the wives of those soldiers who lost their lives in this accident Michael. With Denise I was talked to them, sharing my thoughts, my prayers. And that respect was also thanked because they thought I was doing it because you would have done it too when you came back from the mission as a commander. They did not know yet that you were part of this accident and that you were missing.  
M: Claudia, did you see them when you did not know where I was?  
C: Hum hum ...  
M: But you told me that you lived with constant anguish, a fear of never seeing me again.  
C: And yes, but ... it was not easy at all I confess, and the hardest thing was to tell me that maybe the next day I would be the one who will receive the people of the support group because I too will have lost my husband.

Claudia had tears in her eyes.

M: Claudia, I'm so proud of you. I know you had to show a lot of courage to do this and especially to keep your head up on the base to look good and continue to give this beautiful image of you, us, the army as you do every day.  
C: As a military woman I had to do it, and continue to have my role on the base. These women were mourning their missing soldiers, I kept hoping to see you alive again.  
M: I will not be the soldier I am without you Claudia ...  
C: We are and we will remain united whatever happens, you know it. So you can visit these women before they leave the base, and pay homage to their husbands as well. You do not have to be ashamed because their wives told me despite the pain and the lack, that their husbands were proud to serve their country under your orders, that you were a model for them and that nothing made them fear with you at the head of the division.  
M: Like every time you find the words to appease what is wrong and give us confidence.  
C: The happiness of seeing you back made me forget this bad passion, which despite all that I could feel, showed me that my love for you was infallible and that whatever would happen that love will not leave us.  
M: How are you doing to find so much strength when the situation is so difficult?  
C: Thanks to you, thanks to Emmalin with whom we supported each other a lot ... and then, despite everything, Denise was there with the others. I did not want to see anyone but you know them, and thanks to them I did not stop living even if I just wanted to put under the duvet and wake up telling me that it was all a bad dream.

Michael could not believe how much Claudia had overcome that. He only felt guilty for having made her live. He could not bear to see her suffer, but this time it was because of him.

M: If you knew how I blame you for having made you live it.  
C: Michael, you have to take that off your head. How should it be your fault?  
M: I would have been more careful never that would have happened.

At that time it was Claudia who felt guilty because for her if she had told Michael of his nightmares everything could have been avoided. But she kept herself from talking to Michel.

C: Honey, how could you predict the accident? I knew that the sandstorm surprised you when the weather was completely clear the second before.  
M: That's right ...  
C: So how do you want to be held responsible for something that happened because Mother Nature had decided?  
M: Maybe if I had more escort with me ...  
C: And let all be killed in theaccident ?

Michael had not seen that point of view.

C: In doing that you saved the lives of soldiers. Nothing that has happened is your fault Michael okay?

Michael does not tell Claudia not to go into details but it will also have allowed the army to annihilate a rebel camp so that it may not happen again. Claudia was right.

M: I know you're right, but you know how it is impossible for me to know you wrong, anxious.  
C: I know, but everything is gone now. You are here, we are together and it is the most important.

Michael sighed, Claudia kissed him tenderly to conceal this discussion.

C: I love you Michael James Holden, never forget that.  
M: Me too.

They took each other in their arms and hugged each other.

M: How do you manage to always see everything, understand everything and solve everything afterwards? I am so proud to be your husband.  
C: To have this strong and strong bond with the man I love most in the world and with whom I've been married for 20 years ... we know each other by heart Michael, and our love allows us to guess what the look and thought do not see.

Michael thought back to his 20 years of life with Claudia. Plus, if we count the few years before he gets married. The proof was with a lot of examples where they knew how to see in one or the other when something was wrong and thanks to their pact to always say to themselves never to hide anything, and thanks a lot of hours of discussion, of confidences, they had managed to weave a unique bond and so strong that nothing could shake this love. Michael tightened his embrace.

C: I'm so proud to be your wife.

They broke away and kissed with infinite tenderness. They wished each other good night and ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. But despite these confidences, Claudia had not totally made peace with her nightmares. She woke up again that night with a start. She was sweaty, and had trouble breathing. She went back to bed, and went back to sleep thinking that she had managed not to wake Michael this time. The latter had simply not moved but understood that Claudia had still had a bad dream.  
The next morning, Michael went to his appointment at the doctor who told him that his arrest was two months. Claudia was delighted to know that Michael would be there all summer with her and Emmalin before going back to the field. Having Michael at home was really reassuring for her.  
Michael should have gone to his appointment with the psychologist in the afternoon but he phoned to cancel.

P: General, I do not think that's a good idea.  
M: I talked a lot with my wife and I think I do not need to talk to you anymore.  
P: Very good. But as a specialist and having a report to make concerning your possible return or not on the ground, I must see you again.  
M: Is it really necessary?  
P: Listen I propose you to set an appointment in a month. I would see at that moment.  
M: Very good.

Michael noted his appointment. He called Roland in the wake.

R: General, what is the honor of your call worth to me?  
M: Hello Roland, I'll need you.  
R: Tell me.  
M: As you know, I have to follow a therapy ...  
A: Like every returning soldier, if after the first appointment the report goes in that direction yes.  
M: But I do not appreciate going to the hospital for that, and everyone sees me as ...  
R: I see. Listen, it seems to me that Monday morning Claudia at the FRG meeting is not it?  
M: That's right.  
A: In this case I will come to your home at 11am.  
M: Thank you Roland, I'll tell you that.  
R: I do not doubt it.

After hanging up, Claudia telephoned to tell him that she would not go back to lunch. She told him a story of meeting or worries at the FRG. He did not understand everything and was amazed at how much his wife had busy days. He had lunch in front of a basketball game on TV and then wondered what to do in the afternoon. He hesitated for a long time, but he went to the base cemetery to collect himself at the graves of his comrades who had disappeared after the helicopter crash. Returning home later, he felt free, soothed. He then visited at the end of the day the women of these missing soldiers. He arrived at the house of the first. He banged.

F: General ... I ... I beg you, come in.  
M: Thank you very much. But I will be brief.

The woman closed the door.

M: I wanted to apologize to you for not having protested before.  
F: You do not have to do it, with all my excuses, because of what you have also experienced, you had other points much more important to clarify, I'm sure.  
M: That's right, but ... I had to come and tell you so that you know that I am sincerely sorry for your husband.  
F: Thank you.  
M: I was next to him in the helicopter and know that he was a very good soldier, who loved his country and was proud to protect him and therefore protect his family.  
F: Thank you that ... it makes my heart feel warm. You know, my husband admired you so much. He often talked about you. General Holden here, General Holden by that, well, of course. He admired you for the fact that your person emanated as he passed, and what you gave as an image of the army, proof that a soldier, can be a very good soldier, and a model husband and father.  
M: Thank you very much. His departure will not have been futile, since the army has uncovered the rebel camp and we have therefore avoided other significant losses. Thank you for supporting him and for believing in him, otherwise he could never have done this job.

The woman nodded, with a great deal of emotion in her eyes. She did not think like Michael because the army had taken away her husband and if her husband died was because of the army. But she said nothing to Michael, thanked him for his visit and let him go. Every discussion with each woman was the same. On his way home, he was relieved to have been able to talk to these women and no longer felt guilt for his colleagues who had gone by his side. Claudia just returned for dinner. She told him about his day and gave him news of Denise. She was returning home tomorrow. Claudia told him that she would often go to help him, Michael gave him his approval and he told him that he would go with her to visit him at the end of the week. It was then time to go to sleep. Michael and Claudia fell asleep relatively calmly, Michael managing to solve his problems little by little and Claudia resuming normally and her life of couple, and her life of president of FRG as before. However, that night would change everything, allowing to solve other obstacles to their life as a couple.

Indeed, once again, Claudia had this nightmare that she dreaded so much before falling asleep. Just this time she was horrified when she woke up, realizing that this time her nightmare had been much farther than the last time. Because this time she had seen herself go to Michael's funeral. She was breathing hard, tears rolled down her cheeks. She got up and went down to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She blamed the blow. She told herself that it was no longer possible to live her every night. But according to her everything was connected with what Michael had experienced. But the latter having returned, it had not happened. She saw herself thinking that it would then happen when Michael went back to the front. An immense fear invaded him, it was not necessary that Michael leaves again.  
She sat down at the kitchen table, her glass of water in front of her, but she took her head in her hands and let her anguish run down her cheeks.  
For his part Michael woke up feeling an absence. He turned around and saw that Claudia was no longer there. He sighed, he knew that night worries continued. He got up and went looking for him. He found that she was in the kitchen. He approached her and gently put her hand behind his back. Claudia jumped.

M: It's only me Claudia.  
C: Michael ... you scared me.  
M: I think there's something else that scares you Claudia.

She sighed. The moment had come, she would have no other way out than to speak to her. She started crying.

C: I can not stand it any more Michael ...  
M: Hey calm down, I'm here.

He took her in his arms. He kissed her on the hair and then led her to the couch where they both sat. It was three o'clock in the morning, but they needed to make a point both. Something prevented them from resuming their lives in a normal way. It was necessary that these unspoken burst and that their mutual anguish goes away for good.

M: All her what Claudia?

Claudia took her breath and she took the explanation of departure.

C: It all started the night you told me you were leaving ...

Michael did not understand. Everything flashed in his memory to remember this week before his departure on mission. He found himself telling Claudia that he was leaving. He also remembered seeing him completely upset by this announcement. But he did not understand how it all started eight months ago. Claudia continued.

C: That night I woke up, I did not feel well. I thought it must be because I knew you were leaving six days later. But the next night I realized that no. I ...

She looked up, Michael was staring at her, he was waiting ... she was stuck, she could not go back.

C: I started having nightmares about you Michael.

The latter frowned.

M: Nightmares?  
C: I saw you prisoner, hands tied, and then suddenly, nothing, white smoke, you were lying on the floor, unconscious. And I saw myself by your side, trying to wake you up.

Michael could not believe it. He did not know what to answer.

C: I thought it was because you were leaving, but I did it again every night before you left.  
M: Every night? But Claudia, why did not you tell me about it?  
C: I did not want to worry you Michael, you already had a lot to do with this hasty departure, I did not want to add to you a share of worry with these nightmares.  
M: But you should have told me about it as soon as it started, I will have reassured you and ... to say that I thought that you had taken the thing rather well and that as each time you managed it with a master hand . I should have seen that something was wrong ...  
C: I did not talk to anyone, not even to Denise, just the day before your departure but ...  
M: Wait ... your discomfort the day before departure, s was due to that?  
C: I do not know, but surely yes, I ...

Michael got his head in his hands, he blew a big blow.

M: How could I omit that you were not well! I should have seen it, it's all my fault!

Claudia took her hands.

C: But no Michael see, you know I never tell you everything about us as soon as you go on a mission. But this time I will have because all that would never have happened.  
M: What?

C: I should have told you about all this, and nothing would have happened to you there ... it's my fault Michael.  
M: Claudia, how can you think for a single second that what happened to me is your fault? You are thousands of miles away from everything that's going on there you're not responsible, ever.  
C: Yes, think ... I'll have told you about my nightmares, you'd be more careful there and ...  
M: Stop!

Michael stopped her right away. Of course, when Claudia had told what she saw in nightmares, he saw himself held hostage there, everything more or less agreed. But Michael was very down to earth.

M: Claudia, honey, you know for a fact that I do not believe in premonitory things or anything else. So it would not have changed anything. But you would have told me everything, already I will have reassured you and I would have made you understand that all that, was because I was gone and that you were afraid, that you were anxious ...  
C: It was the case Michael ... I feel so guilty if you knew. I feel guilty.  
M: I will not have been more careful than I could do it there, because I will not have thought of it again and everything would have happened as it happened, and I would have left whatever happened.  
C: I know ...  
M: Then you have to remove that guilt Claudia, it's not possible to live like her every day with her in the back of the self.

Claudia did not answer, she knew Michael was right.

M: Why did not you tell me about your anguish, your fears?

Michael always had his hands intertwined with Claudia's. He put a hand on his forearm and gently caressed it, to put it in confidence and soothe it.

C: You would have worried ...  
M: Yes, but I have made sure that my wife is appeased for my departure, and that you are no longer fears or worries once alone.  
C: Michael worries there will always be ...  
M: I know but I could have diminished them by talking with you and not taking care of you during the few days before the departure

Michael sighed, he asked the question not to ask.

M: So since I came back, your nightmares have come back is that?

Claudia nodded. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Michael took her against him.

M: Oh sweatheart ...

He hugged her and kissed her on the hair.

M: But why did not you tell me again? Do you realize that it's been months that you have this guilt in you when he has nothing?  
C: I'm sorry Michael.  
M: You could have at least talked to Denise she could have helped you too I think ...  
C: I talked to someone ...  
M: Who?

Michael pulled away from her.

C: I went to see the chaplain before you left. I explained to him what was happening ...

She blew a good blow.

C: He told me that it reflects my fear of not being able to protect you when you go away, of not being able to watch over you and to have control over everything that happens.  
M: Claudia, you can not put all that pressure on your shoulders that way. Nobody can handle that.  
C: I know but ... I can not bear not being able to watch over you and tell me that I can not help you where to protect you if there is a problem makes me sick.

Michael did not think Claudia saw things like that. He had let it settle between them and let Claudia take responsibility for the well-being and safety of the whole family without realizing it. But this responsibility was his, even when he was on a mission. But he found that this guilt of not being able to watch over the other, to protect him, he had also felt on mission. And that worry they had when they were talking to each other on the phone or via Skype came from there. But neither of them wanted to talk about it, yet Michael noticed that he should have.

M: Amanda's departure has changed many of our ways of understanding things like this, seeing someone we love to leave. And I realize that was exactly the same.

Claudia looked at Michael questioningly.

C: Why the same?  
M: Well, because I had a hard time telling myself that I could not watch over you, Emmalin, and that if something happened, I would not be here to take care of you. I think we have experienced the same feeling both, even thousands of miles away. We should have talked about it when phoning or talking on Skype.  
C: You know very well that I can not tell you things because I do not have to deconcentrate.  
M: I know honey but, I should have done it myself, to remove that weight in my chest and I think you would have talked to me about it too and it would have made me feel better about both of them.  
C: Maybe ...

Michael looked at her, Claudia stared into hers. A lot of love emanated from their eyes, a lot of tenderness.

M: Honey, you must be able to release all the pressure you put on yourself. I know you want control over everything, so you can be perfect every moment of the day. But you have to let go of the control exactly agree?  
C: I can not stand anything happening to you ...  
M: And I would not stand that something happens to you. Here on the base, we can protect each other, look after each other, and take care of us. But when I am on mission, we can not do it and we must accept the fact that what happens is therefore beyond our control.  
C: I know, and you're right. But I do not want to lose you Michael ...

Claudia's voice was flickering.

M: And you will not lose me, I promise you.

They took each other in the arms. They squeezed each other with force, and a lot of love, because for each one, the life of the one depended on that of the other. Claudia let a few tears flow, she felt soothed, but the end of her nightmare had given her great anxiety. His heart was pounding.

M: Hush, calm down, I'm here now.

But Claudia was struggling to regain her serenity. Michael understood while something else was preventing him from doing it. He stroked her back and kissed her neck.

M: My heart, what's going on?

C: That night was difficult.  
M: But it's over now, I give you my word that you will have no more bad things that will disturb you at night and you can sleep without having this constant fear.

Claudia told her about what she had seen in a dream tonight.

C: But tonight it was different ...  
M: Why?

Michael pulled away from her.

C: I thought it had something to do with what happened to you but I'm afraid it's when you leave.  
M: Claudia, sweatheart, I'm leaving in at least 2 months. Your anguish resurfaced when I returned, because you saw me hurt and I think you express what you feel in your dreams.  
C: Except this time I attended your own funeral Michael ...

Michael took it against him.

M: It will not happen, because you are my greatest strength and for you I will do everything in my power to return to each of my missions, which will be less and less often since I arrive more towards the end of my career.  
C: I love you Michael, so much.  
M: Me too, and that's why from now on you have to tell me what is tormenting you. I know you are asked not to disturb the spouses, but we are different from our experience and the proof is that we need both when we are separated. So more silence, if it's not going to say it. And it will be valid for me too.  
I promise ?  
M: I promise you.

They stayed in each other's arms for a long time, but it was time to go back to sleep. Emmalin had been awakened by voices, when she opened the door of her room, she saw her parents return to theirs. She came out noiselessly and saw in the crack of her parents' door that her last ones took each other in their arms. She saw her father whispering, they kissed tenderly, looking into each other's eyes and she heard them lie down again. Emmalin did the same and went back to bed too. She realized that something had happened and that a problem had probably been solved. Because despite everything she had seen that her parents were not as accomplices as before. It was true that aside from hugging each other, kissing each other, Michael and Claudia had not regained their little attention that they gave themselves for no reason before. As in intimacy, they did not find that desire they had already felt for each other, something prevented them from finding themselves, as before.

The days went by, the nights too, and Claudia was no longer having nightmares. She could now fall asleep calmly, soothed and serene. In spite of everything a block remained between her and Michael. She felt it, Michael too, but they could not find an answer to that. A new week began in Fort Marshall, and Monday morning was the first day Michael received Roland's home to chat and avoid going to see the psychologist at the hospital.

M: Roland, go in there.  
R: Thank you.

They settled on the couch in the living room.  
M: Thank you for giving me this service.  
R: No problem ... how was the return home?  
M: Not as good as I thought. I have experienced mission returns, there is always a phase of adaptation, I do not teach you anything.  
R: Oh no!  
M: But this time the adaptation is more difficult, and complicated.

R: I went to see the psychologist who made the report after your first visit. According to him there were several points blocking you. You do not have post-traumatic syndrome. For me, I think Amanda's loss has amplified things that are initially contained and managed emotionally. This was not the case and this is no longer the case.  
M: I think we are in there. I spoke with Claudia yesterday and yes the departure of Amanda has changed the way we understand my departure on mission.  
R: And that's perfectly normal. We will try to review things point by point. 

Michael nodded. Roland asked him to tell him what had happened there. Michael complied. Roland noticed a progression. When Michael was finished, Roland came back on one of the points.

A: Did you manage to reconcile yourself with your fellow soldiers who lost their life in this accident?  
M: Quite frankly, yes. I had talked to Claudia about it ... and she had managed to make me aware of some things that made me act. I went to see the women of these soldiers, I talked with her, I paid tribute to them in my own way. And I think I managed to remove that guilt, the one I had with them.  
A: You talk a lot with Claudia ...  
M: It's our way of living together, always talking, always saying everything, even if it can hurt initially. We have a very strong mutual trust in each other and therefore we help each other. Usually we get to see when something is wrong with the other and with our words make it better.  
R: Why usual?  
M: Because during this mission, we did not manage to do it. We each had a concern that we could not watch and protect the other. This worry was heard in our voices on the phone or by the computer. But none has been able to handle it, for fear of cracking, destabilizing and worrying the other.  
R: What explanation could we give to that?  
M: Very clearly I did not want to worry Claudia. I have always managed to manage the distance, the lack. This time I had more trouble, and I was afraid it would be even harder for Claudia to live her. So I preferred to keep this for myself.  
R: What can this mean?  
M: That lack was unmanageable this time for both of us. The fact of having to leave in the space of a week did not allow to apprehend its upstream.  
A: Yes, all that sounds logical. If you both talk about it, I think everything must have calmed down ...  
M: Yes ... and no. Something prevents us from finding our serenity in our life as a couple.  
R:I'm going to be a little intrusive but how is it going in privacy?  
M: In the same way as in everyday life. I have a hard time feeling the urge and the need that we are both. There is a blockage ...  
A: And we will try to find it and undo it.  
M: But I know that it's a lot better than the first days I was here.  
A: All the better, that's a good sign, and it means you're on the right track.

They heard a door slamming. Claudia was returning from the FRG meeting. When she entered the room she was surprised to see Roland.

C: Hey Roland ...  
A: Sa va Claudia?  
C: Yes, but what are you doing here?  
A: I was coming to see how Michael was doing.

The latter blew inside. Roland gave him a slight wink that Claudia did not live.

C: That's nice of that!

Michael smiled at his wife in simple answer.

A: I'll leave you, I have to go to the office.  
C: You do not forget Wednesday afternoon we all go to Denise.  
A: No risk with sms of every girl every day.

It snatched a laugh from everyone.

R: Michael, good day.  
M: Thank you Roland, he replied shaking his hand.

Roland left the Holden home. Claudia had no doubt about Roland's coming home. Michael did not prefer to talk to him for the moment. He would tell him once that all their worries would be settled. The weekend passed normally, Emmalin was enjoying his vacation. On Wednesday everyone was at Denise, Michael too. Everyone had a good time, all in awe of little Molly. Michael lived a little what Claudia could live when he was not there and was in the company of this tribe. He was reassured to see that this group was so connected and that all these people were of great support for Claudia, that they supported each other every moment. He also saw that his wife had an important place in the group,the model that everyone wanted to look like and inspired the respect and admiration of all. The weekend was sunny. Michael's knee was getting better by the day, which was positive. But the more the assessment was more Michael felt anguish. He knew he would return to Afghanistan as soon as his knee was completely restored. He wanted to leave, but wanted to stay too. Everything was confused in his head and he felt guilty for being angry at being here, so he could take care of Claudia and enjoy moments with her. Everything was complicated and everything was contradicting in his mind. The following Monday, Roland returned at 11am. This time, Roland wanted to know more about this guilt that Michael had had about blaming himself forto have brought this to Claudia and Emmalin. Even if Claudia had reassured her, there was still a hint of anxiety.

R: Why this guilt?  
M: We are already doing a lot of things to our spouses who stayed here. Even when a mission is going well, the lack is present, the person manages the important dates without us. Birthdays, Christmas ... so many things that we miss and sadden the whole family.  
A: And the families manage it quite well because they are used to it.  
M: It's true, but on the one hand we deprive them of a normal family life.  
R: It's our normalcy, in the army.

Michael was silent.

R: But what makes you feel guilty the most? The fact of not being there and causing a lack? Or especially having experienced this trauma andtherefore have caused trauma to Claudia and Emmalin?  
M: I have always been more or less guilty to leave them here. I realize that everything I said to myself was wrong. Finally I realize that I have never accepted being separated from Claudia, that I still need her, even there.  
A: It's the same guilt you're feeling right now.  
M: No it's even stronger. They lived four awful days, to suffer, to cry, to worry about me, to imagine a lot of scenarios in the head, from the happiest to the worst of the worst. All because of me ...  
A: Who said it was your fault?

Michael stared at Roland. Nobody had said that the culprit was him. He had put pressure on himself. He had sought a wrongdoer andwas putting the mistake on himself.

M: I'm not at fault, that's right. But because of what I experienced, Claudia and Emmalin suffered.  
R: And what does this suffering mean to you?  
M: That I failed somewhere ...

Roland was silent in his turn. He left Michael in his thoughts. Then he spoke again.

A: Will not that just mean love?

This questioned Michael. He raised his head. He did not understand. Roland continued on his explanation.

A: When you see one of your brothers-in-arms hurt or worse, you're saddened, that's part of your job. But can we talk about suffering?  
M: Not necessarily, but it's always sad to lose a soldier who is committed to his country.  
A: You use the word sad ...  
M: Yes it's always difficult to see one of ours leave.  
R: What about Claudia?  
M: I can not stand anything happening to him. When we discovered her diabetes, I could not stand to see her like that. I would have wanted her suffering to be mine ...  
A: So if I summarize, you could not stand that she is suffering in this situation that was not knowing where you were ...  
M: Exactly ...  
A: And there you talk about suffering ...

Michael felt that his mind was liberating, but he did not know why. Roland gave him the answer.

A: If she felt that about you it's because she loves you. You are bound by an unwavering love, that is what makes you feel this suffering, the heart that is writhing in all directions, not knowing what to do.

Michael listened, and was making a path in his own thinking.

A: When we heard this news, we all came here. Roxy, Pamela, Denise, and myself. We were really worried and saddened by all this, and we hoped that everything ended with good news. But Claudia was suffering from not having you close to her, not knowing where you were, not knowing what you were going through, not being able to help you, protecting you ...  
M: We had a discussion at that subject it's true.  
A: So you're figuring out what I'm trying to show you?  
M: Do you mean that what Claudia endured was a proof of love to me?  
A: Given the harshness of all this I will not go that far but think of it like that. I'm going to ask you the question the other way ... How would you have reacted if Claudia had lived quietly, without stress, without changing her daily life, without fear, without anxiety, without tears ...  
M: Quite frankly?  
A: Hmm ...  
M: I will have reacted badly because it will mean that she does not have much interest in me when I left ... that I'm not so important as her in her eyes ...  
A: So ...  
M: What happened is not my fault of course, I did not choose Claudia either. I am not responsible for what she experienced because I did not want to live her and to choose, I would have preferred to succeed my mission that all goes well and without any trouble.  
A: Fate has decided otherwise ...  
M: The fact is that if Claudia and Emmalin react this way it's because they care about me, that I'm important to their eye and that ...

Michael did not finish his sentence. Roland did not ask him any more that day. Michael had made his way alone and Roland knew it would end with a discussion with Claudia and everything would be in order from that side. That Monday, Claudia returned home for lunch well after Roland left, even if she had sworn to cross in the car, she thought no more for the moment. The next evening, Michael was returning from his appointment with the physiotherapist. He found Claudia in the living room. He was thoughtful.

C: Michael? Everything is fine ?

M: Hum? Yes do not worry. My knee is much better. Normally I will not need any more atele soon.  
C: You seem concerned.  
M: I thought a lot and I understood some things.

Claudia looked at him questioningly.

M: I understood that I was not responsible for what had happened to me.  
C: Of course, honey, you're not responsible. We already discussed it and I told you that you had nothing to reproach you for.  
M: I know ... I needed time.  
C: I know ...

Claudia stroked her cheek.

M: I also understood that ... that I was not responsible for what you lived here because I did not want to, decide, what happened to me.  
C: Honey, those few days of anguish and fear, were not your fault, simply, if I felt, lived all that, it's because ...  
M: You love me ...

Claudia stared at Michael for a moment.

C: Hmm hum ... without that love so strong between us, I would never have suffered so much. But now it's a thing of the past and we have to move on. You're here, with me, Emmalin, there's no reason to think about her ...  
M: You're right ...

They hugged each other for a long moment. Then they went to dinner. Nevertheless, a shadow of guilt remained in Michael's mind. He doubted as with an impression of déjà-vu when he met Claudia. As if he was afraid that because of all this, their love is questioned ... the next few days were silent, Claudia did not pay attention. She knew that when a soldier returned home he went through several phases and sometimes he wanted to be alone, in silence, without communicating too much, just to find himself and find his place. But after 5 days, she wondered. Like every Monday morning, she went to the FRG meeting. She was far from suspecting that this day would be long in emotions. That morning Roland arrived at about eleven as usual. However, he knew that this session would be decisive. Michael was guilty of being home and not being on the ground. Roland knew that something in his heart was preventing him from enjoying these family moments, as if he wanted the whole world to be deprived of his mission. He had to get rid of all that. Only everything did not go according to plan.

A: I read the doctor's reports for your knee. You recover quickly enough.  
M: Yes, the doctors are confident. I could probably return to the field as planned at the end of August. I had a stop of two me so they had evaluated the situation.  
R: Perfect! Can not wait to leave?  
M: I do not really know what to think. I feel like I'm out of place here.  
R: That is to say ...  
M: I should be on the ground if life did not decide otherwise.  
R: Are you angry?  
M: Yes somehow ... my job is to help my country. I was given a mission and at the moment someone else has to manage it for me as I had to do it. I do not serve anything here and even if the lack and remoteness is hard to manage, Claudia and Emmalin had to manage it once, and will still have to manage it in a month.  
A: Are not you happy with being with your family and enjoying them? Claudia must be happy to have you here and Emmalin must be happy to have her father for the holidays.  
M: I do not doubt it for a second. Claudia shows it to me every day, just like Emmalin. In spite of all the goodwill of the world, I can not return the same thing to him.  
A: You have two big roles in your life Michael ...  
M: What do you mean by that?  
A: You are the general of the base, you are important in the army and during your missions, as here of course it goes without saying. You are also a husband and a father.  
M: Yes that's right, but ... whatever I do, I'm General, here on base, on mission. It weighs on my family I know ... Claudia resumed her studies of rights, it is to then be able to have her own job and be something other than the wife of the general, a woman of military. Emmalin is going to university, she will be Emmalin Holden, and she will have friends without them knowing who her parents are and what they do in their lives. This will allow them to escape somehow what the life of the army requires them. They have made and still make sacrifices for this and it weighs me down to see that by my trade and my rank, they are obliged to have a line of conduct and can not make their choice according to them but in function of me.  
R: Do you suffer from that?

At this point, Claudia was coming back from her meeting at the FRG which had finished earlier. She entered the back of the house because she had a lot of bags to put in the kitchen. She made no sound but stopped when she heard Michael's voice and Roland's voice. He was still at home and Claudia wondered. She remembered seeing it 2 weeks ago when she returned home on a Monday morning, the same. And the week after, she thought she saw Roland's car at the end of their street, but she had said she had probably dreamed. Everything is in order in his mind. Michael had told him that he did not have to go to the psychologist anymore. But it was only because Roland had probably agreed to help him so that we do not see Michael come and go to the hospital. The fact that Michael did not confide to him that made him sad. She listened to the rest of the conversation.

M: I suffer yes because it's not a life for them.  
R: Did you tell them about it?  
M: Claudia to agree to follow me in the army, for a woman, there is no more beautiful proof of love in my opinion because it is not given to everyone to live to the rhythm of the army. But what about her liberties? She must always compose according to me and I do not find it very fair.  
R: Have you wondered before?  
M: Not really, it's by spending a lot of time here that I saw and felt things. Like being frustrated to be here and not on the ground. But you realize if Claudia knows it, she would be devastated to know that I'm better there than near her ...

On her side Claudia accused the blow. She knew that Michael needed time and that all that he did not really think, he was just in a bad place. But to understand that he did not share the same joy of having his wife close to him hurt her enormously. She wanted to go out so she could not hear the rest of it, but it was louder and she continued to listen ...

R: Maybe because you do not know where you are ...

Claudia's cell vibrated. She hurried to take it in order to stop it. She saw a message from Denise asking how this morning's meeting had gone. She paid attention to his answer and did not really listen to the exchanges between Michael and Roland.

M: I think yes. But arriving here a few weeks ago ...

However, she raised her head, frightened at hearing Michael's words, which broke her heart ...

M: ... I thought divorce would probably be the best solution.

Claudia's breathing stopped, she did not know what to do. Go see him, prove him wrong? To start crying ? Run away ? His eyes swept the room and rested on his phone. She saw the name of her best friend. She immediately left the house and went to Denise's house directly. This without even listening to the rest of the conversation of Michael and Roland. Still, she should have.

R: Seeing you with Claudia, you can not think of that for both of you. We have never seen a love as deep and strong between two people as between you two. Many people respect you as a General, but also as a family, a couple, a husband and a wife. To have this strong link between you despite the inconvenience of the army, to arrive, even when you get mad at telling you things sincerely, without hurting the other ...  
M: It's true that we've always managed to act like that.  
R: You know, we spend a lot of time together, the girls and myself. All speak of their husbands, but none of them speak as well of hers as Claudia speaks of you. You're all for her and this announcement would shock her and destroy her ...  
M: Claudia is everything for me and this idea has very quickly gone out of my head of course. I could never separate from her, it's impossible. Without her I am nothing.

There was a big white. Roland picked up a few minutes later.

R: I think you must succeed in finding yourself here.  
Michael turned to look at Roland. The latter explained himself.

R: On base, on mission, you are General Holden. But here in this house you are Michael Holden, the husband of Claudia Joy Holden and the father of Emmalin Holden. Nothing more, nothing less. Now I have the impression that at this moment you are General Holden at every moment of the day. You have not managed to cut yourself off from your mission so that your recovery takes place under the best conditions. As a result, family conditions at the moment are not at best. I am wrong ?  
M: I think no ...

Roland was right. Since his return, Michael thought as a General to return to the field as soon as possible. But from the moment he came back here, he was no longer General by his work stoppage, but he was just Michael. Roland was right. Since his return, Michael thought as a General to return to the field as soon as possible. But from the moment he came back here, he was no longer General by his work stoppage, but he was just Michael.

R: Think about it. I think that if you find your place as a husband and father here and not General, everything will be in order gradually. You will be General again when you return to the field. But for now enjoy your family. Even if I suppose that many call you General, by mark of respect, but you are in work stoppage and therefore your jacket of General has remained in the cupboard for the moment ...

Michael nodded. He understood Roland's logic. But he had to rethink and find his place here. Roland left the Holden's house. Michael got up and went to the kitchen to drink. He saw the shopping bags on the floor, the door open, but Claudia's bag was not there, nor her car keys. He thought she had probably forgotten something. He closed the door and ordered the races. The explanation was quite different. Claudia had been to Denise's house for a good quarter of an hour already. When Denise went to open she found Claudia annihilated. She explained what she had heard.

D: What?  
C: Me too I can not believe it. I do not know what to do, I'm completely lost.  
D: But Claudia is impossible. I know you heard it but you heard a phrase in a conversation. I think Michael could not say that.

Claudia shrugged.

D: You and Michael? Divorced? It's just impossible. You are the one and only couple in the base who can not divorce!  
C: But right now he's not doing well, he's weird, secretive, silent ...  
D: He came back from Claudia's mission, and hurt too ... you know it's normal ...  
C: Seen like that yes but I meaning that it's not as usual.  
D: Do you speak about it?  
C: Some things, yes, but what he said to Roland, no, never.  
D: I think he asked Roland to help him because he trusts him and his judgment because he is a military husband. Now, if he did not tell you about these sessions at your house, it's because, in my opinion, he wanted to settle something himself before talking to you about it and then settle it with you.  
C: Do you think?  
D: I'm sure of it. I tell you it's impossible for me to do that, he loves you too much and you respect me too much to do that to you. He was already guilty of having made you live these four difficult days when he was taken hostage ... I dare not imagine the pain that it will be for you to separate you from him with a divorce ... he will not bear to do that to you.

Claudia was silent. Denise was probably right but she was too saddened and stressed by this story to think calmly.

D: You should go back, see how Michael reacts with you. Let go a few days and if you do not see any difference, talk to him, tell him your worries, how are you feeling right now. I know you feel helpless and a little put aside but he will confide in you when the time comes and I think it will be better too because he could talk to Roland.  
C: I know you're right, but I can not understand how he could have thought that ...  
D: By talking with him ...

Claudia nodded. They both chatted again and then Claudia realized that Michael had to wait for him for lunch. She left home. For his part, Michael was waiting for the return of his wife. He was reading the paper when he heard Claudia come back.

M: Hey dear.

Michael came to kiss him but Claudia avoided him. Michael frowned but did not answer.

C: Forgive me for the delay but I had to go to Denise, I had to see a point with her about the support group.  
M: No worries, do not worry, I have all my time.

Claudia got out of the fridge the plates she had prepared. In the afternoon, Michael went to his appointment with the physiotherapist. When he returned, he went out for a walk. Indeed, he no longer needed crutches, only his knee pad was to be kept for some time. As he walked, he passed several people. All greeted him by calling him "General". He understood then that he had this image in the eyes of all. The only place he could be just Michael was at home. On his way home, he sat in the living room and began to think, to think. Claudia was upstairs and down, she saw him without the latter can see it. She watched him for long minutes. How to react ? How to approach this conversation? She was lost. For its part,Michael was slowly understanding things. He was alive, here at home, Claudia was at his side, his daughter was there too. He could not think only of returning to the field. On the contrary, for once he had to let go and focus on him, his rehabilitation, his family. Throughout his life, he lived at the rhythm of the army, and Claudia with the idea of knowing that he would leave when he returned from mission. He had returned wounded, out of work, and for once he had to put his responsibilities to the army aside. He thought of Claudia who had to endure it during those weeks, not knowing what he was thinking. He had hidden his feelings from him. In the late afternoon, Claudia found Pamela, Roxy and Roland at the Hump knew that Roland was at home this morning but he did not know that Claudia had heard it. So she confided in her friends as if nothing had happened.

C: It's hard since Michael came home. It is closed, and puts me a little side. I feel that I am more embarrassed than anything else and that the only thing he thinks is to go back on a mission.  
ROL: Did you talk to him about it?  
C: Not really, I'm afraid to point it. Every time he returned from his mission, I always left him a few weeks of respite. But despite everything he was attentive, he needed that we prove to each other that our love was always present despite everything. There he goes away little by little.  
P: You need to talk to him about it. You can not stay like that.  
Rox: Pamela is right ...  
ROL: I agree too. You have to talk with him and he can talk about what weighs him so that everything is quickly settled.

Claudia frowned. So it was true, Michael had something that kept him from moving forward and finding his place as before. Claudia stayed at the bar for a long time, then they talked about Denise, Molly, each and everyone, then everyone went home. Claudia stayed in the entrance for a moment and then found Michael in the kitchen. The latter had the meal prepared. They dined in almost total silence. Claudia then thought that it could not continue. She had to know, even if divorce was the solution, even if she did not want to believe it. She was far from imagining that Michael had managed to get out of this impasse and that he understood a lot of things. But he did not know how to tell him, tell him about then went to work at her desk while Michael took a shower and sat in front of the TV. He was not used to taking time for him anymore. He heard Claudia go upstairs and after a few minutes he did the same. She was in the shower. He waited for her while sitting on the bed. He saw her come out of the bathroom, in her pajamas. He listened only to his heart. He walked over to her and took her in his arms. He ran his hand under the top of his pajamas and stroked his back. Claudia knew it, he loved doing that. Indeed, Michael loved to feel under his hand, Claudia's skin, his warmth. He inhaled his smell. And he only recalls it now, but Claudia had missed him, much more than he would have thought. By this emotional gesture,Claudia knew that Michael needed it, but also that he was not doing his best. She kissed him in the neck. She knew it would soothe him. Michael tightened his embrace. Then he spoke.

M: I'm sorry Claudia ...  
C: Why Michael?  
M: To have been so closed and remote since my return. Do not tell me it's normal because it was not.

Michael moved away from Claudia and sat down on the bed. The latter joins him.

C: I knew something was wrong.  
M: I managed to understand that it was not my fault. But I was angry. Angry to be here rather than over there ... and that's why, without wanting to, I took you away from me. I could not rejoice to have you with me. And yet God knows how much I love you.  
C: I know. I'm glad you could understand that. Because I was bad enough to see you like that. I missed you ...  
M: It's thanks to Roland ...

Claudia pretends to be surprised.

M: I did not see a psychologist at the hospital ... Roland came every Monday morning at home ...  
C: Why did not you tell me about it Michael? I'll understand you know ...  
M: Because I wanted to do it alone and solve my worries alone. But I also realized that it was not possible and that I needed you.  
C: I too needed you ... and I was scared ... (she told him).  
M: This is the first time we live in a situation like this. Until now, thank God, I had never had problems on my mission. Neither you nor I knew how to react based on how we felt and what we wanted.

Michael paused. He heard Claudia's sentence again.

M: But why were you scared? Nothing can happen to me here ...  
C: Honey, this morning I came back from my meeting, and I heard you talking to Roland.  
M: What? But ... and why did not you say anything? Why did you leave?  
C: Let's say I heard a few words, a sentence ...

She got up, her eyes tearing ...

C: Do you really want to divorce?

Michael got up too, he was scared ... Claudia had heard the beginning of the conversation, without the end. He understood why today the atmosphere was heavy.

M: What? How can you believe for a second that I want to separate from you?  
C: You said to Roland, that the best solution was to get divorced so that I have more obligations because of your rank, that I'm freer, that I can live my life ...  
M: Claudia honey (He approached her) Yes I told Roland, but you left before hearing the rest. I told him that I realized very quickly that it was a big mistake to think that. I told him that it was impossible to separate from you because without you I would be nothing. You sincerely think that after all that we have lived both, after all this love that we gave each other during these last twenty years,I can only think of breaking your heart while divorcing?

Claudia shook her head. She was relieved. The puzzle was being pieced together little by little.

M: I love you from the depths of my being. Whenever I look at you I wonder how I could have had this chance to have you with me, the chance to have this wonderful woman that you are like wife. I often told myself that I did not deserve you. But without you I would never have become what I am as much professionally as as a man simply.

He saw Claudia's eyes fog up. He gave her a wonderful declaration of love. He took the head of his wife in his hands.

M: I'm just crazy about you sweatheart. I never knew how to handle all this love that overwhelms me when I look at you, when you're with me. I'll want every moment to have you with me, against me, feel your skin under my fingers ... How is it possible to love so much someone?

Michael let his emotions show through. His eyes moistened.

M: I love you Claudia, and never, you hear me, I will never be separated from you ...

He kissed her with tenderness and infinite love. Claudia started to cry and Michael hugged her.

M: I'm sorry Claudia. We should have discussed well before. But I promise you that at the moment I speak to you, I am the happiestto be close to you and to be able to enjoy my family for a few more weeks.  
C: I'm so relieved ...  
M: Me too. Since I came back I had a weight and I did not know why when I returned, I was also depressed ... now, thanks to Roland but mostly thanks to you, I found my place here and I I found myself.

Claudia huffed. At last this long-awaited moment came before his eyes. Michael became Michael again. For almost a month she had felt like she had another soldier at home. Someone she had trouble understanding, understanding. She realized that Michael had felt the same way she had lost herself. The situation had wanted that, and it had allowed them to realize certain things. That they held more than anything to each other, that their love had emerged stronger than that, that their feelings had overcome her and that whatever happens, they could not do without it. 'other. All this was as if they had needed, even after more than 20 years of living together, to prove it to themselves, to show themselves that nothinghad changed and the same sparkle was shining in their eyes. In a simple answer, Claudia kissed him. They were calm. She returned to her dressing table to remove her jewelry and check her blood sugar. Michael sat on the bed and made some movements with his knee. Little by little he found his mobility. Once finished, Claudia joined him. She snuggled against him. Michael kissed her on the temple. Claudia kissed her in the neck. In a matter of seconds, Michael felt something he had not felt for months. He felt that desire that only Claudia could provoke. Nevertheless, her reunion with her had always been made of softness, tenderness, he had never pushed things. He had always been very attentive to her, he had always taken care to take his time and make his moments, pretty moments. But because of this situation experienced in recent weeks, everything had been increased tenfold. He closed his eyes ...

M: Claudia ...

Claudia had not stopped, she kissed him on the cheek and finally found his lips. Michael had not reopened his eyes, he concentrated not to take control immediately, not to go immediately to what they both wanted at the time. But Claudia continued to kiss him in the neck. Michael took a deep breath, but no longer, in the space of a second, he reversed the situation and found himself above Claudia. He admired her for a few moments, but her emotions were too strong to keep looking at each other. He kissed his wife with great tenderness. This moment Claudia had waited for him for weeks. She thought that tonight may have been too early, but with the discussion they had just had, she knew that anything could happen. Michael stopped, they were already out of breath. Through them, their bodies shouted the desire to meet again. They undressed each other, devouring each other's eyes, sometimes kissing each other. They were even disconcerted to feel all this desire, this love, to each other after so many years of life together. Michael kissed Claudia in the neck. All his feelings were revealed by a neck. Despite his own desires, he put those of Claudia first. He took care to make him spend a moment out of time, beyond his expectations. He made love to her with disconcerting patience and tenderness. What everyone felt at that moment was a surge of pleasure and love. They did not control anything anymore. Everyone then took a breath. They took a shower together, got into pajamas again. They lay back in each other's arms, soothed, filled with serenity. Before turning off and falling asleep, Claudia looked into Michael's eyes.

C: I love you.

Michael kissed him on the forehead. He then turned off the light and they passed for the first time since the return of Michael, a beautiful night, having the happiness to have finally found. The next morning, Michael was already up when Claudia opened her eyes. She joined him in the kitchen. When she saw him she smiled at him. When Michael saw her say hello.

M: Hi honey ...  
C: Hi ...

They kissed with tenderness. Emmalin arrived at that moment.

E: Oh no, you could avoid doing it in front of me!

Michael and Claudia exchanged a mischievous look.

M: Emmalin, we do not do anything wrong.  
E: No, but ... how can one be as much in love as two teenagers 25 years after meeting each other?  
C: I thank you for treating me as a teenager, Claudia chained with a laugh.

E: Mom! No, but serious, its limit scared ... I thought that with time the ardors were actually diminishing it's always the opposite with you.

Emmalin was looking at her parents with a smirk. She had always reacted with humor to her parents. But she had always admired what they had built.

M: Hey, you're happy to have both of your parents with you, considering the number of divorced today.  
E: Dad ... I was joking!  
C: But yes honey, we know it well ... What are you doing today?  
E: Oh this morning we go to the movies and this afternoon normally to the pool.  
M: I see that holidays are good ...  
E: You surprise me, considering what he expects me after, I prefer to enjoy!  
C: And you're right. Have fun then.  
E: Thanks mom. See you later dad.

Claudia and Michael watched their daughter leave. They had finally found peace in their family. Emmalin was fine and they had finally found each other. Nothing could come to shake this family happiness. Claudia thought that even when Michael left, everything would have changed and they would probably live better on departure and absence. A week later, Michael returned to see the physiotherapist, he was removed his mask. He was ready to walk normally without any help, his knee perfectly in place. However, they would have walking exercises to do for two weeks to consolidate muscularly speaking. He no longer had a visible wound, everything was cleared up and nothing showed any abuse he had suffered on mission. Some time later,he received a letter from the psychologist at the hospital. He had to judge the situation to validate or not the return of Michael on the ground. The appointment was set after that with the physiotherapist to validate also his possible return mission on the physical point. When Michael went to the hospital he was a little apprehensive. Indeed he knew that if the evaluations were good, he would leave at most in 2 weeks. The physiotherapist found that Michael was completely recovered. He signed the authorization to return on mission and informed Michael that it would leave the following Monday, the shipments not being done on weekends. He then went to the psychologist's office. Despite all these discussions with Roland, Claudia, he did not knowhe could accept returning to the field without knowing if he would be able to handle his emotions without risk a new worry on his return. He would have the answer quickly.

P: Hello General, please sit down.  
M: Thank you doctor.  
P: So after our first date, I asked you to come see me once a week. But you preferred to see Dr. Burton.  
M: Yes, he's a friend, and I had less trouble talking to him at home than coming here, very sincerely.  
P: Since I am your referent psychologist, he had to send me his conclusions every time. Apparently you have been pretty good at getting back on the slope. Which is a good thing. However, I will discuss with you a little to know where you are and whether or not you will be able to go on a mission.  
M: Very good.  
P: You said to be ashamed of not being able to pay homage to your companions in arms.  
M: Yes, but I realized that I was not in a position to do it at first. When I returned I was able to do it my way and go talk with their women. It was painful exchange but my guilt went away. I had also told my wife about it, and she was right in saying that I could not do it not because I did not want but because I could not.  
P: Did you talk about other things with your wife?  
M: Yes, of that guilt that was gnawing at me that was to be at fault for what my wife and daughter had experienced during the few days I was captive.  
P: And ...  
M: Of course it was not my fault and I could see that what they felt was because they were mine. Regarding Claudia, it reflected the love she has for me too. Otherwise they would not have been touched by my situation.  
P: It's a way of seeing things, but each couple has its own story, its intimacy. So everyone sees things in his own way. The main thing is that the worries are settled in the end. You know that if I sign the authorization to return on mission you will leave in a maximum of two weeks.  
M: Yes, quite ...  
P: How do you apprehend it?

This question, Michael was waiting for him with a lot of anguish. For he did not know what his answer would mean.

M: I did not think much about all that. I could only understand that on the field, on mission, on the base at my office, I was General Holden. At home, I'm Michael Holden, not the soldier but the husband, the father ... now to know how I would react to his on the ground ...  
P: In this case I will ask you a question. In mission precisely, you have your working day and the evening ...  
M: If there is no action of night, we are in our tents. Of course, we can leave at any moment but we return in our intimacy that one creates oneself there.  
P: When you phone your wife, do you do it day or night?  
M: I do it when, with the jet lag, it is morning or end of the day here.  
P: So you can be in the middle of a working day there.  
M: Absolutely ...  
P: How are you managing to be the General on a mission, knowing that you are the General day and night ...

Michael was thinking.

P: Understand that I make you retreat into your ideas because it would be a pity if this problem of anger at not being on mission, or on the contrary not being ready for your family, resurfaces and asks you worries there.

Michael nodded.

M: I'm Michael Holden every minute of the day and night. Only my uniform indicates that I am General. The only thing that will change will be that with Claudia, we will listen better, we will confide better too and we will not let our fears, our hidden anxieties. Despite the distance we can reassure ourselves and make the other go better. We must find our habits and everything will be fine. And it's by talking to each other as a couple and not as the military's wife talking to her husband's General, that I will know the difference. With my men I'll be the General, with my wife I'll be Michael, her husband.

The psychologist wrote down on a sheet. He came to conclusions.  
P: Well rest assured, I think you are fit to return to the field. I sign the authorization and send it as soon as possible. However, now that you know that you are going to leave, prepare it upstream, talk about it with your daughter, your wife. The departure is not rushed and explain what you just told me. Because on their side they will be confident and everything will happen for the better.  
M: Very good doctor. Thank you.  
P: I wish you a good continuation.

Michael shook the specialist's hand and emerged. It felt like a joy to know he was finally leaving, but also anguish to know that he would leave Claudia and Emmalin. He had to talk to Claudia about it. On Saturday night, they had dinner alone. He decided to talk to him.

M: Claudia, the doctors have signed the return permits.  
C: Are you going to leave? she asked him worriedly.  
M: Yes, in two weeks normally. We have to wait for orders. It will be fine ?  
C: I do not know, you have to think that you're going to leave again.  
M: We knew it was honey ...  
C: Yes, but it becomes real. We'll have to tell Emmalin.  
M: Do not worry, we'll tell him. I need my departure to be accepted for both, and that we put card on table before leaving.

Claudia nodded.

M: We do not keep anything for us during these two weeks. If something is bothering us, we talk about it, okay?  
C: Ok, it's promised.  
M: I am serious Claudia.  
C: Me too dear.  
M: Very good.

The front door opened. Emmalin was coming home. His parents questioned him.

E: What's going on?  
M: Come on honey, we need to talk to you.  
E: Something happened?  
C: No, do not worry.  
M: Emmalin, the doctors signed my authorization to return to the field. Orders should not be long in arriving.  
E: Already?  
M: You know it's been two months that I'm here, I had a little respite.  
E: When are you leaving?  
M: In two weeks maximum.  
E: Oh no, dad, you'll be back for college.  
C: I know honey, your father is also saddened by that. But I'll be there do not worry.  
E: Yes, but dad is never there when he needs to ...

Emmalin gone to his room. Michael blamed it. He had missed a lot of important things in the lives of his daughters, his wife. But it was the army and he had no choice. By the end of the evening, everyone was about to sleep. Michael was reading and Claudia was taking a shower. When she returned to the room, she needed to discuss, to start preparing for the departure so far but so close at a time. This in order not to make the same mistakes. She came to lie next to Michael.  
C: Honey, how are you going?  
M: Yes do not worry. It must …  
C: Michael, you have the right to have doubts and fears ...

Michael put down his book. He put a hand on Claudia's leg and turned his gaze to her.

M: It'll sound weird, but I do not want to leave. I thought my place was there but eventually I realize she's here. You need me, just as I need you.  
C: That's right, you're right. But it's all business, which is a particular job but you have chosen. A job for which you were born. Until now we managed to juggle all that, and we will continue.  
M: I know we had this discussion before, but I really thought I would retire now.  
C: You are saddened to have to leave again. You've been cut off from your job for two months, that's normal. But I understand. You would like to take advantage of us and not have to announce your possible departures. I think circumstances made you think of it and you will change your mind.  
M: Maybe ... what about you?  
C: I'm petrified to know that you're leaving. Especially with what happened. I will get to the idea little by little.  
M: I know it will be difficult for everyone. We will try to prepare it at best. And I promise you that we would be morally ready to undergo a new separation.  
C: We're never really ready but I've always trusted you and it's not today that I'll stop doing it.

They both smiled at each other. Michael caressed his cheek.

M: We will know the exact date the days to come. We can no longer project ourselves. And then it is not necessary that it is taboo, it is necessary that one speaks about it, it is necessary that one says our thoughts. If you want to talk to me about it, do it, okay? I'll do the same with you ...  
C: Okay ...  
M: And then we will enjoy a maximum of these two weeks.  
C: Oh yes then.

They kissed tenderly, wished each other good night and then fell asleep. Michael learned the following Wednesday that he still had a week and a half of respite, his departure being the first Monday of September. Michael and Claudia had regained their attentions, their words, their looks. The departure approaching, everything was increased tenfold and each time they needed to enjoy each other, even for a few seconds of hug, or tenderness. The departure was approaching day after day. Michael's business was left in his tent on the ground, he would not have anything to take. He just had to show up at the airport in trellis. The day before the departure, Michael kept an eye on Claudia so that the scenario of the last time does not repeat itself. In the evening before sleep, he worried about her.

M: No nightmares this time?  
C: No, do not worry, everything is fine.  
M: Are you sure?  
C: Yes, I do not know how I would react when you get off to a good start, but I will adapt as always.  
M: What's worrying you?  
C: I do not hope to have anxiety like last time. It's quite complicated to know you far away, and I have a hard time with not knowing what you're doing, how you're doing.  
M: Claudia, you can not handle everything, and you know it. There you do not watch over everything, it is the army that takes care of it. It is the army that warns you for any problem, or me even if I can. It's normal to be worried it should not take precedence over everything.  
C: I know ...  
M: Listened, we've always said everything, so we'll do the same while I'm gone. I'll tell you everything on the phone or Skype. And you will do the same. We must not let fear cause us any further worries afterwards.  
C: Michael, you know very well that I can not tell you everything ...  
M: I know you have to limit my worries for my good, but you have the right to confide to me your own anxieties, your own worries about us both. When Emmalin returns, you'll be alone here and tell me the truth about your morale, and how you've experienced that. Okay?  
C: Ok, it's promised.  
M: Ok. And the same for tomorrow, you have the right to say your doubts ...

Claudia nodded. She was not used to revealing her feelings in public. But Michael was right, if it could be good during those long months away, then we should not hesitate. Claudia would like to find her feeling before. When she managed perfectly well the distance, the lack, her anxieties, and that Michael too. She hoped that one day maybe it would come back. The next day, Michael showed up at the airport. They were only 6 men to leave on mission. All had probably been hurt, but nothing was apparent. Everyone was standing aside in order to enjoy their family. Emmalin had said goodbye to her father at home, she did not want to come on the tarmac. It was an unusual departure since it was not similar to the one realized when the whole division left. The plane started off, it was the departure for the soldiers to join him and embark. Claudia gave Michael his last instructions.

C: You pay attention to yourself, okay? You take care of yourself and you warn me as soon as you arrive.  
M: Okay. And do not worry, everything will be fine this time.

Claudia nodded but without conviction. Michael took her in his arms.

M: Tell me I'm not going away for so long. Normally the mission ends in seven months.  
C: I know, but I'll miss you Michael.  
M: You too my love, and Emmalin too. You will take care of yourself and tell me how it went back to university.  
C: Count on me.

Michael saw that the other soldiers were going one by one to the plane. It was time for him to do the same.

M: Come on, it's time.

He took Claudia's head in his hands and admired him for a few seconds.

M: I love you more than anything.  
C: Me too dear.

He kissed her with all the love and tenderness possible. He then kissed her in the neck to breathe one last time Claudia's perfume and put it in her memory. He kissed her last and went away. Claudia waited for the plane to take off, then returned home. Emmalin had left with friends, she did not return until late evening. Claudia told him that everything had gone well. The next morning she received a call from Michael. The latter had arrived, he had found his men, his tent, his marks too. Everything was going well. He told Claudia that she was already missing a lot but that he would manage to face this time. Michael had managed to regain his senses and his place now on the base camp. They resumed their habits, sending each other emails, phoning or skipping as soon as Michael had the moment. These moments were still quite rare.

It was morning when Emmalin was returning to college that Michael called Claudia on the computer. He wanted to make sure everything would be fine for everyone. From then on, he found that everything was back in order and that Claudia was again managing to perfection, as she did before.


End file.
